Ciao, Bella
by MusicMonger222
Summary: What if the men Bella thinks she recognizes in Port Angelos really are the men who tried to attack her a year ago? With no one to save her, she dies an untimely death. However, Bella has some unfinished business to attend to. Set during New Moon.
1. Chapter 1

Intro-starts on page 111 of New Moon 

a/n: almost all of this first part is from New Moon, with a couple of tweaks here and there. 

_I do not own twilight or any of it's characters. All belong to the talented Stephenie Meyer._

_**Bella's POV**_

"**Go Eat," I encouraged her, waving toward the fast food. I didn't like the way she looked at me. "I'll catch up in a minute."**

**She didn't need to be told twice. She turned quickly and half-ran, half-walked in the general direction of the restaurant.**

**I turned away from her, back to the men who were watching me with amused, curious eyes.**

"**Bella, stop this right now!"**

**My muscles locked into place, froze me where I stood. Because it wasn't Jessica's voice that rebuked me now. It was a furious voice, a familiar voice, a beautiful voice-- soft like velvet even though it was irate.**

**It was **_**his**_** voice--I was exceptionally careful not to think his name--and I was surprised that the sound of it did not knock me to my knees, did not curl me onto the pavement in a torture of loss. But there was no pain, none at all.**

**I looked around myself in shock.**

"**Go back to Jessica," the lovely voice ordered, still angry."You promised--nothing stupid." **

**I was alone. Jessica was already gone. Against the wall, the strangers watched, confused, wonder what I was doing, standing there motionless in the middle of the street.**

**I shook my head, trying to understand.**

"**Keep your promise." the voice was slipping away, as if the volume were being turned down on a radio.**

**I began to suspect that I was having some kind of hallucination. Triggered, no doubt, by the memory--the déjà vu, the strange familiarity of the situation.**

**The wise thing would be to run away from this potentially destructive--and certainly mentally unstable--development. It would be stupid to encourage hallucinations.**

**But his voice was fading.**

**I took another step forward, testing.**

"**Bella, turn around," He growled.**

**I sighed in relief. The anger was what I wanted to hear--false, fabricated evidence that he cared, a dubious gift from my subconscious.**

**Very few seconds had passed while I sorted all this out. My little audience watched, curious. It probably looked like I was dithering over whether or not I was going to approach them. How could they guess that I was standing there enjoying an unexpected moment of insanity?**

"**Hi," one of the men called, his tone both confident and a bit sarcastic. He was fair-skinned and fair-haired, and he stood with the assurance of someone who thought of himself as quite good-looking. I couldn't tell whether he was or not. I was prejudiced.**

**The voice in my head answered with an exquisite snarl. I smiled, and the confident man seemed to take that as encouragement.**

"**Can I help you with something? You look lost." He grinned and winked.**

**I stepped carefully over the gutter, running with water that was black in the darkness.**

"**No, I'm not lost."**

**Now that I was closer--and my eyes felt oddly in focus--I analyzed the short, dark man's face. **My eyes grew wide with recognition. His only grew more confused. Clearly, he did not remember me. It _had_ been a year, after all, and it was quite dark.

But _I_ remembered him. I suffered a curious sensation of…what? Excitement? Anticipation? It couldn't be happiness. I couldn't be happy without _him. _

The voice in my head was practically screaming now. "BELLA! Turn around before he recognizes you! Or worse!"

No. I refused.

"Aren't you even afraid? What about Charlie?"

Charlie. I hadn't thought of him. Or Renée.

But what the hell? I was clearly more of a burden now, this empty shell of a person, then I would be dead.

Dead. The word sounded strangely surreal to me.

The man's voice snapped me back to reality.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"I'm too young." I answered automatically. I realized how dumb and childish that sounded, and mentally kicked myself before adding, "But if you don't care, neither do I." I tried to sound playful, sincere. Maybe even sexy. But it came out harsh and pained. No matter what _he_ had said, I never had and never would pull off sexy.

The short man looked uneasy."Er…"

"That's okay." The confident blonde said."Stay and hang out with us."

I almost laughed, remembering the last time I had tried to flirt with someone--Jacob Black. I wondered absently how he was. My attempts had been successful then. I'd at least gotten what I was after--information.

This time my attempts hadn't worked out so well. They weren't going to let me get completely wasted. I felt strangely disappointed, and a little angry. _These_ were not the dangerous men I remembered. I lost interest.

"Thanks, but I can't." The men seemed befuddled as to my sudden change of mind.

"Oh, just a few minutes…"

I shook my head, and turned to rejoin Jessica. I felt a sudden tug at my arm and realized someone had grabbed me. I looked back into the face of the short man. My mouth was open in shock.

"Oh, come one, we won't bite!" They chuckled darkly in unison.

"I don't know…." I trailed off.

"Please?" The blonde spoke this time. I smiled slyly. _These_ were most definitely the dangerous men I remembered.

"Well, I suppose…maybe I could stay for a bit." I looked down coyly, feigning shyness, as the short man towed me back to the group of men.

The voice in my head growled loudly.

"My name is Bella, by the way. Bella Swan."

* * *

I lay on the ground, broken. The four men surrounded me, all laughing. I was in pain, sure, but I hardly cared at this point.

_He isn't coming back for you._ I reminded myself. Not this time. My pain increased tenfold as the hole in my chest ripped wider. He wasn't going to save me. And I didn't expect him too, either.

I cried out in pain.

They seemed to enjoy that.

_You asked for this._ I could sense the end was coming soon.

My thoughts went out to Charlie. Renée. Angela. Even Jessica. I hoped she wouldn't blame herself. Then, painfully, I thought of _them._

The Cullens.

Rosalie. Emmett. Carlisle. Esme. Jasper. Alice. And then, _him. _

_Edward._

I saved the best for last, as my heart ripped itself to shreds. What was left of it, anyways. I fought back a tortured scream. Not because of the men, though, but rather because I was afraid I'd wake someone. I was vaguely aware that I was in the forest, but other than that, I had no idea where I was. I didn't care. But if, somehow, someone heard me and came and found me, that would be the worst possible thing that could happen. It would completely defeat the purpose of all my suffering.

No. That couldn't happen.

The men seemed to be tired of me now. With one last kick, the short man sneered, "Ciao, Bella."

_Goodbye, Edward. I love you._

Then the blackness consumed me.

* * *

Short Man's POV

It was obvious she thought I didn't recognize her. I made sure to keep up that pretense. But how could I forget such a pretty face?

"My name is Bella, by the way. Bella Swan."

"Well, Bella, it's nice to meet you." I said as genuinely as I could manage. I heard Rick snickering, probably at me, and then sent him a dirty look. I couldn't have him spoil my fun by giving us away! That shut him up.

Taking her had been fun. After all, I'd waited almost a year for this! Ever since I saw her hop into that car with that idiot who spoiled my night, she'd been all I could think about.

Of course, I had to take my time with the set up. I was concerned that her little friend would come looking for her, but after spending an hour in front of the bar, there was no sign of her. _Perfect. _

"So, Bella, would you like to go for a walk?" I asked sincerely, shooting her a grin. She nodded naively.

"Sure…" She really had no idea what was in store for her, did she? All the better for me.

As soon as I'd heard her name, I knew exactly what I'd say before we finished her. It was perfect, almost like a comic book. "Ciao, Bella." I couldn't help but fo feel proud of myself for coming up with something so...ingenious.

Her body had been easy enough to dispose of. I could've done it myself, but having Tom, Rick and Johnny there made it go faster. We were right by the cliffs in La Push, so we just dumped her body over the edge, laughing as her mauled body flew through the air and landed in the water with a barely audible _splash_.

She looked like an angel.

"Ciao, Bella. Nice one." Rick congratulated me. I smiled smugly. Things couldn't have gone better if I'd planned them.

Even if her body washed up on shore, all evidence would've been washed away by then.

Or at least, I hoped it would. I'd never been able to stand watching CSI long enough to know.

"Let's go." I said abruptly, suddenly anxious.

As we drove away, I heard a wolf howl, sending shivers up my spine.

* * *

Alice's POV

I knew it was already too late. I saw Bella's decision to go with the men. Was she _really_ that oblivious?

No. Of course not. Bella had always been a danger magnet, but this was her walking right into danger _on purpose._

I saw the short fiend's decision, the last words Bella would hear in this life.

"Ciao, Bella." It sickened me.

It was worse, though, knowing there was nothing I could do to stop Bella from dying. If only we lived closer, I could at least get there in time to change her. But stupid, arrogant Edward made us go all the way to _Denali_. Then he took off to go hunt for Victoria.

I told him beforehand that he wouldn't be able to catch her, but Edward being Edward ignored me. Of course.

So I saw no problem in ignoring his request to not look for Bella's future. He wasn't here to stop me, so what did it matter? I figured if she were in any kind of danger, there'd be enough warning to rescue her. But of course I only considered the possibility that one of our kind was threatening her.

I seriously underestimated Bella's ability to find trouble, wherever it may be. I also hadn't counted on her going and _looking_ for trouble. I figured she'd make good on her promise to Edward and not do anything reckless or stupid. Apparently, I'd been wrong on both accounts.

Edward was _such_ an idiot. How could he not see how much she'd loved him? Still loved him. That she'd rather _die_ than live without him. She'd obviously believed him when he told her he didn't love her. That was _her_ mistake. I fail to understand how two such intelligent people could be so ignorant.

I thought of Charlie, how hard he was going to take this. Didn't Bella consider him at all? How could she be so selfish? I shook my head sadly. It just didn't make sense. Bella was one of the most selfless people I knew, vampires included.

Maybe she believed Edward would save her. Maybe she knew he still cared. I hoped that wasn't her motivation. Not that she'd be wrong about Edward's feelings for her, but he honestly believed he was doing her a favor by staying away.

How very wrong he was.

Without thinking twice, I grabbed Carlisle's keys and hopped into the Mercedes. I was thankful that everyone else was out hunting, because there was no one there to stop me. There was no hope for Bella, but Charlie would be a wreck after this. Hopefully my being there would be a comfort and not a burden.

I already knew Jasper and Rosalie would disagree with my decision to interfere. Emmett was nonbiased. Carlisle and Esme, of course, would understand and support me.

And Edward would never find out, if I could help it.

With newfound purpose I stamped the accelerator, pushing the car to it's limits.

"I'm coming, Charlie," I whispered sadly.

* * *

Charlie's POV

"She said she knew them! I figured she'd be okay!" Jessica pleaded, grasping at straws. I doubt she'd thought at all.

I could practically feel my face reddening in anger, my whole body shaking. "So, you thought she'd be safe with four drunk, middle aged men in the dead of night, at a bar, all alone?!" I fumed. It amazed me how stupid people could be sometimes.

"Well...yeah." She squeaked, not convincing either of us.

_That was a rhetorical question._ I thought bitterly as I muttered a string of profanities under my breath.

"Ms. Stanley, how could you be so...naïve?" I'd wanted to say "stupid", but she was only a girl, and it was my job as both the chief of police and a parent to be respectful. Even though she'd suffered a moment of severely poor judgment, which could end up costing Bella her life. _NO. She's not dead yet._ _She can't be._

"What would you have done? Drag her to the fast food restaurant yourself?" She demanded, obviously annoyed.

"Yes, that's exactly what I would have done, if I had to. I wouldn't have _left _her there! I just don't understand...how you could have abandoned her!"

Jessica glowered at me, having reached her limit. "Excuse me, Chief, for trying to help Bella get out of her rut. _She_ asked _me_ to go to the movies with her. I wasn't exactly thrilled to be going, but God knows she's hardly even talked since Edward dumped her! I'm sorry that I _tried_ to be a good person! So sorry. Especially now. She _insisted_ that she go in there and talk to those guys! I didn't force her to! And she _told_ me to leave!" I'd actually believed he up until that point. It simply didn't make sense." Plus, you didn't see how strangely she was acting that evening. It was weird..." she mumbled, clearly hoping I wouldn't hear the last bit. I did.

"Don't you _ever_ talk about Bella that way!"

__

flashback

I stood, arms crossed, for what seemed like an eternity. Then I sat. _when Bella gets home, she's in for so much trouble. _After brooding angrily at the kitchen table for what had been at least two hours, my fury slowly turned into concern. Where was Bella? It was nearly one o'clock and she wasn't home yet.

I vaguely recalled her telling me she was going out with Jessica Stanley tonight on her way out the door. Not that I'd believed her. She never went out anymore. Not since...I shuddered. I hated thinking about _them._ The Cullens. About him. Of course, my pain was nothing compared to Bella's, of that I was sure. I couldn't even begin to grasp the amount of pain she endured, day in and day out. I could tell she tried to hide it from me. It hurt to watch. There I'd gone, getting distracted again. _Poor, old Charlie_. There was something I'd forgotten...something important...what was it? Oh, that's right. Jessica. Was it too lat to call the Stanley's? _1:23._ Hmm. What if Bella hadn't even gone out with Jessica? Then I'd be bothering them for nothing.

"It's a start." I mumbled quietly, trying to stay calm. Reluctantly I stood up and walked to the phone, trying to remember how to breathe. I dialed the Stanley's number slowly, pushing each number with deliberate precision. On the off chance that Bella really had gone out with Jessica, it was possible that the movie was still running. _The movies get longer and longer every year, I swear. Before long, they'll last an entire day._The phone rang once. Twice. Three times.

_I'll be damned if they don't pick up_. I thought angrily. On the fourth ring, I heard a groggy voice answer the phone. "Hello?" It sounded like Jessica's father. He yawned loudly.

"Mr. Stanley? This is Chief Swan. Is Jessica there?" _Please say no_.

"Um...Sure, but she's asleep..." was the confused reply of Mr. Stanley. Shoot. "I could go wake her up..."

"No, no. I was just wondering if she might know where Bella is. She said she was going to the movies with Jess..." I trailed off. More likely than not, Bella had lied about going to the movies with Jessica. She never used to lie, but then again, she does a lot of things now that she didn't...before.

"Oh, yes, that's right. Jessica _did_ go to Port Angelos with Bella." the tone of his voice made me uncomfortable. "But Jess got back hours ago." The frown in his voice matched the one on my face.

"Hours?" was all I managed to choke out.

"Yeah...she seemed pretty upset about something, actually, but she said she didn't want to talk about it and went to bed."

I could tell I wasn't going to last much longer without some answers.

"Y'know, on second thought Mr. Stanley, could you go wake up Jessica please?"

_End Flashback_

The doorbell rang, causing me to jump out of my reverie. Both my and Jessica's head snapped up. _Now who could that be? _My heart screamed Bella, while my head knew better than to hope and ignored my heart.


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n: okay, so here's chapter two! thanks for reading . i hope you enjoy it!**

_disclaimer: I do not own twilight_

**_Bella's POV_**

I drifted in and out of consciousness for days, feeling nothing. There were flashes of color, images, none of which made any sense.

I knew I was dead, somehow. It wasn't what I had expected, to say the least. There was no white light at the end of the tunnel, no voices. Just endless amounts of nothingness.

_Can this be hell?_ I wondered often. It didn't seem likely. There was no way it was heaven. If it were, _he _would be here. And he wasn't.

Wherever I was, I was alone.

When I finally came to, I was lying on a beach. I wasn't broken anymore. O_f course not. I'm dead now._

If anything was clear, it was that I was no longer in my body. So what was I? a spirit? I almost laughed at this, but it never made it out of my lips.

I considered standing up, but the beach was really just too comfortable. It was nothing like the beaches at La Push, where the "beaches" were covered in rocks, smoothed over by the monotonous crashing of the waves. This beach was covered in sand, or at least that was the closest approximation I could come up with. It was unlike any sand I'd ever seen. The sand in Arizona were rough, coarse, just like the air was. I hadn't had the chance to visit René e in Jacksonville, so I couldn't compare the sand there to the "sand" here.

And I never could. Because I was dead.

Begrudgingly, I stood up. I'd contemplate the sand later. Then I wondered--was there time in the afterlife? I looked around foolishly for someone to ask. Be it heaven or hell, there must be someone in charge around here.

Then it dawned on me, maybe there wasn't an afterlife. Maybe it didn't exist. I don't think I could be reincarnated, though. I'd probably end up being a snail for all the terrible things I'd done.

Perplexed, I began to walk. I appeared to be on an island of sorts. There was a thick jungle about fifty yards from the waterline. It looked wild and dark, a place best avoided. But there was something mysterious about it, which gave it a dangerous appeal.

I shook my head. I wasn't really in the mood to go slashing through thick plant life at the moment.

I walked almost all the way around the island, only stopping when I came to a lagoon with murky, menacing water. Considering that this island seemed to some sort of 'paradise', it was fraught with peril around every corner.

Up until that point, I'd avoided the forest completely, but not just because it was dark and scary. I was leery of any pre-death memories occurring in forests. After all, I'd died in the woods.

Once, figuratively, when the love of my life left. For good.

And the second time, not too long ago, when my body followed where my heart had gone four months previously--the land of the dead.

Now I had several options.

Option One:wade through the lagoon. Not a chance.

Option Two:turn around and walk on the beach some more. Not a bad option. Except that it _would_ be rather boring, and the tide was bound to come in at some point.

Which left me with option three: to head into the woods. I would have to go in there eventually, anyways. What's the point in stalling? At any rate, I wasn't going to just stand here forever.

So option three, it was.

Much to my dismay, it was quite difficult to make my way through the dense greenery. Moss covered every inch of the forest like thick green paint. The canopy above didn't allow any light to reach the ground, making it difficult to see. I discovered that, unfortunately, I was still clumsy as ever, tripping left and right.

I had the sensation that I was climbing uphill towards the center of the island, though it was impossible to tell due to the lack of light. I was sure that the task of climbing through the jungle would have exhausted me when I was alive, and while it certainly wasn't easy now, I felt no need to stop and rest.

I was sure it was dark by now, as I'd been climbing for several hours. However, when I finally came to a clearing, I was shocked to see that the sun hadn't moved at all. I frowned. This was most peculiar. Spying some nearby boulders, I ran over to them and began climbing them, hoping I'd be able to see the view from there.

What I saw amazed me. Miles and Miles of endless green stretched in every direction until it reached the sparkling, azure sea.

"Wow." I breathed, breaking my own reverie. It was eerily quiet on the island. I hadn't seen any animals or birds or even insects, and as far as I knew there weren't any other people, or whatever I was. I felt completely isolated.

It didn't last.

From behind me, a startling voice that was almost familiar replied, "Wow, indeed."

* * *

Edward's POV

I lay there, curled up in a ball, completely and utterly useless.

I didn't care.

The only thing that had ever really mattered to me was gone.

"It's better this way." I tried to convince myself, my voice void of any emotion at all whatsoever.

I felt my phone vibrating, but I ignored it. I was sure that whoever was calling, I didn't want to talk to. Unless…

Afraid to hope, I checked caller I.D.

_**Home**_, it read, though it wasn'treally _home._ . Home was with _her_. I tried carefully not to think of her name anymore. It hurt too much.

But she wasn't calling._ And she never will._ I thought bitterly, angry with myself. _It's probably Rosalie_.

Then the thought occurred to me; _I_ could call _her._ I wouldn't say anything. Just to hear her voice again...

I was already dialing. I pressed send, but before the call could connect, I hung up.

What was I thinking? Calling wouldn't help either of us. Not that she would know it was me.

Caliing her would make staying away just that much harder.

My phone buzzed again. I started at it with my lifeless eyes, seeing nothing.

Seeing her.

I snapped back to reality. _Home_ was calling again. Reluctantly, I picked up.

"Hello?" I sounded dull, dead. As dead as I really was.

"Edward! You answered!"

"Esme." I softened a little. Behind her shock that I'd actually answered, there was deep hurt.

"Edward…you need to come home." she began cautiously, but without stalling the point. _Not this again. "_Esme, I really don't think that's a good idea." I tried to be kind, but I was tired of having this discussion.

"I beg to differ." She sounded determined. Before I could protest again, she continued, "We have important things to talk about…as a family." I frowned, deeply confused.

"I don't understand. Why can't we just talk about this over the phone?" My voice was hard. Being around my family would only make me think of _her._ it simply wasn't fair to them. I wouldn't do it.

Trust me. We shouldn't talk about this over the phone."

I exhaled exasperatedly. What could we possibly have to talk about as a family that would require my presence, in the flesh and…not exactly blood.

"What on earth, Esme-"

"It's about Bella." She said carefully. I still flinched when she said _her_ name. But she had what she was after--my attention.

"Bella?" I forced myself to say her name. I sounded like I was begging. Esme remained silent. "Please tell me." I couldn't stand it. What was she trying to do to me? "Not until you're here and we're a family again."

I groaned. I was being blackmailed, so to speak. Suspicion was seeping in to the corners of my mind. Was this some kind of twisted trick to get me to come home?

No. Esme wouldn't do that. _Unless she was desperate._ I thought accusingly. Still, my curiosity was about to get the best of me.

"Will you at least tell me if she's ok?" I tried desperately.

"Not a word 'til I see you." I could feel my resolve slipping. I would undoubtedly cave in soon.

I sighed. I felt rotten. No matter how I looked at the situation, I lost.

"Alright, Esme," I surrendered. "I'll come home." I could almost hear her smiling. "But only for a little bit." I felt bad crushing her short-lived bubble of happiness, but it would be worse later when I left again if she weren't expecting it.

She thanked me(profusely, I might add) before she hung up. It was the best I could do for her. For them. For…Bella.

* * *

Bella's POV

I turned slowly, unsure of whether I should be afraid or not.

At first, I didn't see anybody. Maybe I'd imagined it? I'd been known to have hallucinations before. But then I saw him.

An average sized, very non descript man emerged from the edge of the clearing.

Though he was simple, there was something very beautiful about him. Of course, I was somewhat biased. This man had nothing on the Cullens. What was it about him, then, that made him so…appealing?

Unsure of what to do, I cleared my throat. "Um, hello." It came out sounding irritated instead of cautious. Oh well.

The man chuckled softly, clearly unphased by my strange greeting. This annoyed me fr some reason, but it wasn't directed at him.

"Hello. You must be Bella." My mouth fell open. How did he know who I was?

He chuckled again, prompting me to snap my still open moth closed.

"I'll take that as a yes." He said, amused.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?" I tried to sound apologetic.

He considered this. "I think so. You've probably heard of me." He paused, looking thoughtfully at the sky.

"And you are…?" I prompted him. For some reason, I found myself impatient.

"Who I am doesn't really matter." he retorted dreamily._ I beg to differ._ I was more than a little miffed with his vagueness.

"Alright, fine. Don't tell me. I just wanted to know your name." I crossed my arms and pouted, hoping to guilt him in to telling me. He looked uneasy.

"Well, I suppose…you may call me Nat."

"Nat. Alright. Is that short for something?"

"It is short for Natas." he looked a little embarrassed. I frowned. _That sounds made up. "_All names are, in a sense, '_made up'_, if you think about it." He smirked. I stared at him. Had I said that out loud? I blinked, trying to clear my head.

"That's not what I meant." I said finally. I was almost positive that I hadn't said that out loud. "I meant it sounded like you made it up on the spot."

He smiled. "And if I did?" _Good question._

"I suppose it doesn't really matter. What's in a name?" I quoted Shakespeare, trying to make a joke, but he just cocked his head at me. Embarrassed, I went on. "If you _did_ make it up…I don't understand why you would do that."

"If I _had,_ hypothetically, made up the name, I'm sure I would have a very good reason for doing so." His tone hinted darkly at something I wasn't sure I wanted to know. It made me uncomfortable.

"Whatever. Sorry if I offended you." I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye, so I looked at the ground instead.

"It's not a problem." I glanced up to see that, at some point during our discussion, Nat had inched closer to where I was, still standing on the boulders. It was an awkward way to hold a conversation, but I wasn't so sure I wanted to come down yet.

Though I was more than a little weirded out by Nat, I was also curious. I knew I should just drop it, but I couldn't help but to ask about his name again.

"Just so we're clear, Nat _is_ your real name?"

"It's as good a name as any." He replied, clearly avoiding the question.

"Where'd you get a name like that?" I prodded. It reminded me of the time another time I'd interrogated somebody…_him._

He deflected my question stubbornly. "My, aren't we curious?"

I shrugged. The questions were easy enough.

"Bella, you do realize you're dead, right?" I was shocked by the bluntness of his question.

"Well...yeah. I kind of figured that one out awhile ago…"I sputtered. _How could I _not_ know that?_

"You'd be surprised." he answered my unasked question. I shifted uncomfortably on the rock. I grimaced. I hadn't thought about the fact that I was dead since Nat arrived. "Sorry." He apologized. I looked at him. He seemed genuinely sorry.

"How do _you_ know that I'm dead?" I demanded suspiciously. He smiled playfully. It was a good look for him. It made him even more appealing. I still couldn't place what it was about him that was so…what? Attractive wasn't the word. I found myself on the ground standing in front of him. _That's odd._ I noted to myself._ I don't remember climbing down from the rock…_I let the matter drop for now.

"Where am I?" I asked suddenly.

"Where are _we_?" He corrected. I nodded stiffly. "Good question." I sighed, exasperated. This was getting old. "What I mean is that it has many names. It just depends."

"On?"

"What you do and don't believe."

"Care to elaborate?" I asked sweetly. He raised his eyebrows, seeing right through me.

"Some call it purgatory. Others, limbo." I frowned. I'd read about this place in Dante's Divine Comedy. It wasn't anything like this. Of course, it was a work of fiction. It was probably about as far off the mark about the afterlife as _Dracula_ was about vampires.

Nat continued, not noticing I'd stopped paying attention. "Most people, however, just call it The Island." Most people?

"What do you mean, 'most people'? I haven't seen anyone else here, other than you."

He shrugged. "Majority of the people who come by here don't stay, if they can help it."

"Why?" I asked, burning with curiosity. He chuckled quietly to himself.

"Would _you_ opt to stay here longer than necessary?" he gestured around.

"No, "I admitted sheepishly. "Probably not."

"Exactly."

"When you say longer than necessary…" I paused, not sure I wanted to know the answer.

Sensing my hesitation, Nat finished my thought. "Yes, Bella, you do have to stay here."

"How long?" I asked quietly.

"Well, you only _have_ to stay here until you finish. But after that, you can stay as long as you want."

I scowled. Finish what?

"Your business."

**a/n: sorry for the cliff hanger. it would have been _way_ too long otherwise. this isn't my favorite chapter ever...But the next part is almost done! I promise.  
if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask( i.e. why is Bella so obsessed with Nat's name?) answer:It's important. trust me.**


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n: hey everybody. Sorry that this took so long to put up. I had the whole thing typed up, but then it just didn't flow right, you know what I mean? So I had to go back and redo the whole thing. But I'm much happier with it now, so...yeah. enjoy!**

_disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters._

_**Bella's POV**_

_I scowled. Finish what?_

"_Your business." _

I glared at him. This wasn't helping to clarify anything.

"What business? And where will I go to finish it? If I don't chose to stay here, that is?"

"Hold on, slow down, one at a time."

I took a deep breath. "Business? Explain." I said, rubbing my head. If it was even possible, I could've sworn I felt a headache coming on.

Nat opened his mouth like he was going to say something, then thought better of it and said something else.

"Bella," he began gently, "Do you believe in ghosts?"

I stared at him skeptically. "Please, Nat, I'm not five." I scoffed. I had never believed in ghosts. What was he getting at?

"I'll take that as a no." He said quietly. I continued to stare at him. This hardly seemed like the time to tell ghost stories.

I don't know why I found it so difficult to believe in ghosts, considering that I'd been in love with a vampire, and had even aspired to be one myself at one point.

"I think it's safe to say that no, I don't believe in ghosts." I clarified. He grinned mischievously.

"We'll see how long that lasts."

**

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**

Edward's POV

I don't know why I ever agreed to come back. It was even more painful than I'd imagined. Even more painful than when I was changed into the monster I was.

_At least you aren't in Forks._ I thought, pathetically trying to cheer myself up. It would never work.

I was also irritated that Alice seemed to be missing and everyone was blocking their minds to me. Esme had said that we had important things to talk about "as a family", but seeing as Alice was a part of this family, Esme kept mum about the whole thing, insisting that we wait for Alice.

To make matters worse, whenever I asked where Alice had gone, I only got vague answers.

"She had to go somewhere." Jasper said nonchalantly, though he was clearly bothered that she had gone without him. It made him anxious to be away from her for too long.

Emmett had simply shrugged. Don't_ ask me. "She_ probably saw that there was a huge sale or something." he joked.

It wasn't funny.

They were all hiding something and I knew it.

After this had gone on for about three days, I'd finally reached my limit.

"Will somebody _please_ tell me what's going on?" I exclaimed, nearly breaking the table with the impact of my fist coming down on it. I didn't care, though. I wanted answers.

I felt waves of calm wash over me. I growled at Jasper, who held his hands up innocently, the liar.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about, dear." Esme cooed soothingly. "There's nothing 'going on' here."

"Really?" I snapped. "Then why is it that no one will give me a direct answer about Alice's whereabouts?" they all looked incredibly guilty.

"We don't know where she went…" Esme tried. _Like hell you don't._

"I beg to differ." I said icily. "You called me up here for a so-called 'family meeting' that couldn't _possibly_ be held over the phone, but so far all we've done is sit!" I paced angrily, trying to calm down. "If someone doesn't tell me what's going on soon, I'm leaving." Esme grew extremely alarmed at this. I felt a little guilty, worrying her, but there wasn't much left of me to care at this point.

"If we tell you," Carlisle began slowly, "Will you promise not to run away and do something drastic?"

I grimaced. So this was why they kept it form me. They didn't want me to leave again. _If they only knew how futile their efforts were…_

"I can't promise that. But I can guarantee that I _will_ leave if you don't tell me."

The room was silent.

I looked into their ashamed faces, heard the ambivalence in their thoughts. The way they saw it, it was a lose-lose situation for them.

"Alice is in Forks." Rosalie blurted out suddenly. Everyone in the room glared at her, furious.

"What?" I hissed angrily. "Why would she go there?"

"POP! Goes the weasel." Emmett sang gloomily.

_Thanks a lot, Rosalie. Leave it to you to screw everything up._Jasper thought. The same sentiment was echoed in everyone's thoughts, with the exception of Emmett, who was thankful not to have to block his thoughts anymore.

"Well?" I demanded. No one said anything. "The cat's out of the bag, you might as well tell me."

"She had a vision..."Esme began slowly. Her thoughts were still blocked.

"About?" I urged. It certainly couldn't have been about _her_. I made Alice swear not to look for her future anymore. Of course, I'd also made her promise not to go back to Forks which, clearly, she had. This guessing game was getting on my nerves.

"About Bella." Esme finished sadly. _Her_ name made me flinch. I could feel the ocean of pain about to engulf me. Waves of calm washed over me again. This time, I didn't object.

"Please," I began, pained. "Tell me."

No one said a word.

"Tell me, dammit!" I screamed in agonized anger.

Jasper and Emmett shifted uneasily. They were getting ready to pounce in case I tried to take of again.

"We don't know the details." Carlisle explained bravely. "Alice left while we were out hunting. She left a message if you want to hear it…"

Before I knew what had happened, the phone was in my hand and I was calling voice mail.

"Carlisle, it's Alice." She was speaking quickly and it was difficult to catch all she was saying, even with my enhanced hearing. She sounded frantic and distraught. "I had a vision about Bella." _flinch. "I_'m not sure how much I'll be able to do, but Charlie needs me. I already know you're going to let Edward listen to this. Like it or not, he'll insist. So, Edward, when you hear this message, don't do anything drastic. Got it? And don't try to come after me to stop me. It'll be too late by then, anyways. I'm almost there now. Please don't do anything stupid." With that, the message was ended.

"What did Alice see?" My voice was barely above a whisper.

_We don't know._Carlisle thought sympathetically. The same thought was more or less repeated in everyone else's thoughts. It seemed Alice had been purposefully vague. She'd planned this well.

Without saying anything I turned slowly and retreated to my room, Alice's words haunting me. _I'm not sure how much I'll be able to do, but Charlie needs me._ What had happened that Alice saw the need to go speeding off to Forks to rescue Charlie? I'd made…_Bella_…promise not to do anything stupid or reckless, and I could only hope she'd meant it when she said she'd keep it.

From downstairs, I heard Emmett ask tentatively, "So, what now?"

"Oh God," I whispered. "What have I done?"

**

* * *

**

Bella's POV

"You should consider yourself lucky." Nat said after a long silence. I'd finally come to accept the fact that ghosts exist. But the fact that I_ was _one made me a little less than happy.

"Lucky? Me? Well, let's see…I'm dead, I get to walk the earth until I tie a few loose ends back in the land of the living, and, oh, did I mention I'm dead?" I become more hysterical with every word. I wasn't taking this well.

"Yes, you _are_ lucky because most people don't get a second chance. _Most_ people just move on, but _you_ get the chance to say goodbye." I hadn't thought of it that way. It didn't make me feel any better, though.

"But I'm a ghost, for gods sake!"

"Call yourself whatever you want," Nat said, much more calmly than myself. "It doesn't change things."

I sighed heavily, recalling the previous conversation.

"_You're being sent back . You'll still be dead, though. That's not going to change."_

"_Why?" I was having trouble wrapping my head around the concept that I had to go _back_. I hadn't bargained for this._

"_For the __thousandth__ time, Bella, when you died, you left things undone. You can't rest until you finish them."_

"_What do you mean by 'I can't rest'?" I was still skeptical. Nat groaned, tired of going over what I liked to call Being a Ghost 101._

"_I mean you'll wander the earth forever, lost, lonely, without a purpose, et cetera. You'll never move on to the next life, bound to an eternity of guilt." That piqued my interest. Not the loneliness and the guilt part, but the eternity part. Did he really mean that?_

"_What about after I finish my business? Do I have to leave then?" I hoped to God and all the powers that be he'd say no._

"_Not necessarily." he chuckled. Maybe this wasn't so bad, after all… _

"Hey Nat, I have a question for you."

"Alright." he said, clearly amused.

"Do _you_ know what I have to go back and finish?" I don't know why I expected him to know, but I had no clue whatsoever.

His face fell. "No, unfortunately, you have to figure that out for yourself. It shouldn't be too difficult, though."

"That's what you think." I muttered to myself, looking at the ground, as if hoping that _it_ would answer all my questions.

"Bella," He called softly, sympathy saturating his voice. I gasped as I looked up to see him standing less than a foot away from me. He was even lovelier up close. Not gorgeous like _him_, but there was a presence about him that was so wholesome and…pleasant. I realized suddenly what it was that made him so appealing--_purity_. He seemed so genuine and truthful. Despite this revelation, there was something hiding behind those dark eyes. Some unknown emotion flitted across his face momentarily, gone before I could decipher what it was.

His face held nothing but care now. He looked something like I imagined God looking.

I wondered…was it possible? Before I could ask, he was holding my hands in his. Not in a romantic way, though. More like a father or an uncle, though it still took me by surprise.

"Bella, I'm not God." he said firmly, slightly hostile. My eyes grew wide in surprise. Was he mad at me for thinking he was God? Or was it something else?

Whatever it was, his outburst of emotion caught me off guard. The phrase _wolf in sheep's clothing_ scampered across my mind.

I shook my head. _You're overreacting, Bella. It's probably nothing._

He was eyeing me in a concerned way, like a father would. I wanted to be comforted by this, but couldn't. My heart was saying _trust him _while my head was skeptical, to say the least. . He hadn't _really_ given me a reason _not _to trust him, though.

Had he?

I was almost positive by this point that he could read my mind, which disturbed me. I'd only ever known one other person who could read minds. _But not mine._ I recalled smugly.

"I never said you were." I remarked nonchalantly, trying to cover up for whatever I'd said to offend him. "You _do_ seem to know a lot, though…" I hinted in a not so subtle fashion.

"I never said I hadn't met him." He fired back, ignoring the second part of my statement. I couldn't say I was surprised, though. At least he was smiling now.

We sat there in an uncomfortable silence for awhile. My eyes darted around nervously, while Nat just stared at the sky, as if listening to something. He had a pleasant look on his face, for the most part, but then he frowned suddenly.

"Listen Bella, I have to leave." I tensed up. he was leaving me? Why? Why does everyone _always_ leave me?

"When?" was all I managed to choke out.

"Now." He said simply.

"Why?" I demanded suspiciously. He'd better have a good reason, at the very least.

"Trust me, you don't want to know." he gave me a dark look. _I beg to differ. _"Besides, you need time to figure some things out."

"Oh, you're leaving for my benefit, are you?" I'd heard that before somewhere, from someone I didn't want to think about right at the moment.

"No. Let's just call that an added bonus." he smirked.

"Bonus for who?" I growled, irritated.

"You, of course." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well, _I refuse."_ I humphed and sat down on the ground like a five year old. _Wow, I'm mature._ But I didn't care. I _really_ didn't want to left alone right now.

"I always get stuck with the stubborn ones." Nat mumbles so quietly I wasn't sure I was meant to hear. "Will it make you feel better if I tell you I'm coming back?"

I cheered up a bit. "Are you?"

He laughed quietly. "I am sure we will meet again." he looked anxiously towards the forest. "Now, I _really_ have to be going. Take care, Bella."

"Bye." I muttered glumly once he had gone.

I could've sworn I heard a soft chuckle, but I really wasn't sure of anything anymore.

Then, there was darkness again.


	4. Chapter 4

_**a/n: hello again! Now, I'm not the kind of person who asks for reviews or threatens to withhold the next chapter until a certain quota of x amount of reviews has been met, but I have to say I am a tad bit disappointed. There's been over 200 hits, which I'm thrilled about, but sadly there are only 5 reviews. Don't worry, I'm not going to give any ultimatums. Just something to think about.**_

_**Also, I know there's been a lot of gloom and doom so far, and I'm not going to lie, there's a bit more, but not much. Someone asked if Bella was going to go back to Edward. I don't want to give anything away, but I will say that I am a big Bella/Edward fan. Someone else asked about Nat, and while he isn't in this chapter, I promise the mysterious Natas will return and more will be revealed about him.**_

_**Sorry this author's note is so long…yeah. I just wanted to say thanks again for reading and enjoy!**_

_disclaimer:I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters_**

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**

**Charlie's_ POV_**

The doorbell rang again. Grumbling. I stood up to see who it was. When I open it, I was overcome by a myriad of emotions.

Anger, happiness, disappointment, then confusion.

"Alice Cullen?"

"Charlie!" She gave me a huge, bone crushing hug. Who knew someone so small could be so strong?

"Alice, what are you doing here?" I was trying to be polite, but considering the amount of stress I was under, I don't think my sanity would hold if _he_ was back, too.

My simple question was apparently enough for Alice, because with that, she flew right into her story. "Oh, Charlie, I'm so sorry for bursting in on you like this without calling or anything, but when I heard about Bella, I just couldn't believe it and I didn't think I just drove on and on and, oh, I'm just so sorry!" Alice starting sobbing as she buried her face into my shoulder. I patter her shoulder awkwardly. I wasn't good at dealing with things like…feelings. Despite the uncomfortableness of the situation, I'd always loved Alice, even though I'd been bitter about her family's abrupt departure, and then their lack of a follow up. Not a call, not a letter, nothing!

I sighed heavily. "It's alright, Alice." I frowned as a new thought occurred to me. "How did you get here so quickly? She hasn't even been gone for a day." Alice sniffled and walked slowly toward the kitchen, ignoring my question. She stopped when she saw Jessica sitting there.

"Jessica Stanley?" I heard her say, sounding only mildly surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same!" Jessica sputtered indignantly, though it came out strangled due to her shock. The tension was almost visible in the air.

"Er," I began awkwardly. "Jessica was the last person who saw Bella Ali--" I stopped. I was about to say "alive", but saying that would be like admitting that Bella was dead. Which I didn't know that she was. I couldn't accept that yet. I wouldn't, not until I had hard evidence." She was the last person who saw Bella." I finished, a little too late. Alice looked at me sympathetically. I remembered that she still hadn't answered my question.

"Alice," I said cautiously, "how are you here right now?" My question came out strangely, but the general idea was there.

"I drove." She said simply. I eyed her skeptically. It took at least a day to drive from L.A. to Forks. Deciding I'd rather not know, I let it go.

"Um, do you need a place to stay, Alice?"

She flashed me a lovely smile. "That would be wonderful."

I nodded my head and pointed to the stairs. "You can stay in Bella's room." I wasn't exactly comfortable with the idea, not because of Alice, but because it made me feel like I was giving up on Bella. Like she wasn't going to come back. But I felt bad making Alice sleep on the couch when there was a perfectly good bed upstairs. _It's what she would have wanted._

I waited for Alice to leave before I began questioning Jessica again, but she just sat down and folded her arms, as if to say '_I'm not going anywhere.'_ I sighed and turned my attention back to Jessica. "Listen, Ms. Stanley, I understand that you made a…_mistake_, in leaving Bella alone. Do you think that you could identify the men, at the very least?" I was finding it difficult to control my temper.

"Probably." she replied tartly, most likely unaware of how close to losing it I was. Jessica had never been one of my favorite people. Especially not now.

I grumbled to myself as I pulled out pictures of suspects--most of which were registered sex offenders in the Port Angelos area.

This was going to be a long night.

**

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**

Bella's POV

I wasn't really sure how, or why, but somehow I was in my room.

I walked around, trying not to make too much noise. It was odd, being here again. Like nothing had happened. Everything was exactly the same, untouched. I realized that it hadn't actually been that long since I'd died. Maybe Charlie hadn't even noticed I was gone yet.

_Unlikely._ He'd probably waited up half the night in the kitchen, wondering where I was, before he got worried and started calling everyone he could think of. Poor Charlie.

Though nothing had physically been changed about my room, there was something amiss. It felt…_heavy._ That was the only way I could describe it. It felt, dare I say it, haunted. Which, technically speaking, it was.

I wondered numbly if anyone could see me. Or if I was really here. It could be a dream. Or a hallucination. A very eerily _accurate_ hallucination. Also unlikely.

I made my way anxiously to the door, pausing before I touched the handle. Would I go right through it? I silently cursed Nat for having so _conveniently_ avoided explaining all the technicalities of being a ghost.

Shakily, I grabbed the handle. I was relieved when I felt it in my fingertips, solid and cool to the touch. I was pleasantly surprised I could still feel temperatures. Quietly I turned the hand and opened the door.

I dutifully avoided the squeaky floorboards on my way to the bathroom, on the off chance that someone might hear me. Fortunately, the bathroom door was ajar, saving me the difficulty of opening it quietly. I slid in easily and turned towards my reflection.

I don't know what I had been expecting. Maybe that I wouldn't show up, as ridiculous as it sounded. Or maybe that I'd look something like Casper the friendly ghost.

But when I looked in the mirror, I saw…myself. Just the same old Bella. The only difference was that I seemed faded, like the picture on an old television set.

While I was relieved that I didn't look like something from a low-budget horror film, I was slightly disappointed that I looked the same. I'd half hoped I'd be prettier in death. Like _them._ But apparently, not all of the living dead get to be beautiful. What a shame.

Voices from downstairs caught my attention. I heard a low, rumbling voice that could only belong to Charlie and a much higher voice that was difficult to recognize. Whoever it was sounded irritated. Curious, I left the bathroom and inched towards the stairs.

"Don't you ever talk about Bella that way!" Charlie bellowed, obviously furious. I wondered what the other person had said about me to upset him that way. I inched closer. From where I was, I could see his beet Charlie's beet red face, contorted in rage, as well as the back of the other party's head. They had long, brown, curly hair. _Jessica._ Of course. I had been with her earlier that evening.

Just then, the doorbell rang, pulling me out of my flashback. _Who would come by at such an ungodly hour? _I wondered. Then again, they must be searching for me. I felt a pang of guilt, remembering the last time a search party had been formed on my behalf.

The doorbell rang once more before Charlie reluctantly went to get the door.

I heard the door creak open, followed by a deafening silence.

"Alice Cullen?"

"Charlie!"

I paled, if that was possible, when I heart the high pitched, bell-like voice I knew so well.

What was she doing here? And why had she waited to come until I was already dead? I wasn't sure if I was sad or angry. At the moment, I was too shocked to be either.

I dared not venture downstairs now, lest they saw me. So I stayed where I was, paralyzed by fear yet driven by a burning curiosity.

I listened attentively as Alice rambled on about how she'd "heard" about my disappearance. Of course Charlie believed her. He was like putty in her hands. I, on the other hand, knew better. Alice must have seen the whole thing in her head. Surely she knew it was too late? Maybe she really was here just for Charlie's sake. He'd always been quite fond of Alice. Ever since last spring…I shuddered as I thought about James, Victoria and Laurent. Mostly James, though. At least I didn't have to worry about bloodthirsty vampires attacking me anymore, nor did I have to worry that my tendency to attract danger would put Charlie in harm's way. Eventually, my scent would fade completely and the only thing to tie me to this place would be memories. I chuckled darkly. Alice's eyes flickered to where I was sitting. I froze. It would be difficult for either Charlie or Jessica to see me with their weak human eyes, as it was dark, but Alice's super vampire vision would have no trouble at all seeing me. I'd stopped breathing, unsure if I should run away or scream, or…smile?

But nothing on Alice's face betrayed my position. I was sure she'd seen me. It was impossible for her to have missed me. Wasn't it?

I had no idea what possessed me then, but I found myself carefully descending the staircase until I was practically in the kitchen whit Alice, Charlie and Jessica, in plain view. I held my breath in suspense.

None of them saw me. I even jumped up and down, just to be sure.

Nothing. Except for a very confused look from Alice, who stared profusely at the spot where I had been making a commotion.

"Something wrong, Alice?" Charlie asked, clearly stressed, but not about Alice.

"No." She said, frowning. She reluctantly ripped her eyes away from where I was and back to whatever Charlie and Jessica were looking at on the table. It looked like pictures.

My interest piqued, I wandered over and stood next to Charlie. He shivered, glaring directly at my forehead.

"That's weird." He mumbled. Scooting unconsciously towards Alice. I stifled a giggle at the thought that Alice, a vampire, was less dangerous than me, a ghost.

Alice's head snapped up, her eyes scanning the kitchen suspiciously. I was positive she could hear me.

I grinned evilly as I thought of all the possibilities presented by this fact.

"Alice…"I called, trying to sound as helpless as I could. Her eyes narrowed slightly, pinpointing the location of the sound, but seeing nothing.

"Did you guys hear that?" Alice asked tentatively. It was possible she believed she was losing her mind.

"No." Jessica scoffed. She was clearly exhausted and fed up with this whole process. I glanced at the pictures she was looking at. It was in a large, black binder. I guessed they were suspects for my disappearance.

She pointed to one. "This one looks familiar." I examined the picture, then shook my head disapprovingly. Was she blind? That man in no one resembled _any_ of my four attackers.

"Not even close, Jess." I clucked, well aware that it was lost to her.

Alice, however, jumped about two feet in the air. I saw her glance around anxiously, but the look I saw on her face surprised me.

_She was afraid._ I'd _never_ seen Alice afraid of _anything._ Despite her being so tiny, she was never intimidated by anything or anyone. Not even James. Of course, James was only scary to me. But still. The thought that just the sound of my voice terrified her made me feel terrible.

Alice used to be my best friend. Why wasn't she happy to hear my voice?

_Because you're dead._ I told myself. _Everyone, even vampires, are afraid of what they don't understand._ I suppose it would be a bit unsettling to hear the voice of someone you knew was dead. I was overcome with guilt. How could I be so thoughtless?

Charlie was eyeing Alice with concern. He probably just thought she was tired and therefore on edge. He was hovering behind Jessica's chair, looking at the picture she'd pointed to.

"Suspect number 2138." He mumbled as he jotted it down in a spiral notebook.

I exhaled quietly, so as not to frighten Alice again. Jessica had looked at the guys for maybe a minute, and she hadn't even been close enough to see their face in detail.

"Are you really sure that's one of them?" Alice demanded. I smiled, pleased that Alice seemed to know that it whoever suspect 2138 was, he wasn't responsible for my death.

"Well," Jessica hissed. She remained quiet for awhile, looking uncomfortable.

"well, what?" Alice demanded, patience wearing thin.

Jessica looked indignant. "Well, I suppose it might not be one of them. I don't know! It was dark." she admitted sheepishly. Charlie exhaled slowly and crossed out the number he'd just written down in the spiral notebook. Jessica yawned widely.

I was miffed that she found this boring. She didn't know that not two feet from her was someone who knew _exactly_ who was responsible for my death, but powerless to do anything. As far as she knew, she was the only one who had any idea who'd killed me, and she was _yawning_. Mind you, it was nearly 2:34 in the morning, but that really was no excuse.

Apparently, I wasn't the only one who thought so.

"Listen, Charlie, maybe it isn't my place to say this, but maybe Jessica should get some rest before trying to find these guys. Bella was my friend, too, and I want to make sure the ones responsible for her death. You're not going to solve this tonight."

Charlie froze. "We don't know that Bella is dead." Alice glared skeptically at him, but said nothing. "But you're right. It is late."

Jessica looked relieved, which Alice didn't miss. She glowered at Jessica, who visibly shrank under the intensity of Alice's glare. She looked like a vampire. Who wouldn't be afraid?

"Do you need a ride home?" Charlie asked Jessica, completely missing the stare down going on between them.

"No, I think I'll be fine." Jessica said curtly.

"Are you sure? We've already lost one teen in the community. I don't think I could live with myself if something happened because I let you drive--"

"Don't worry, Chief Swan. I think I can handle it." With that, Jessica made an about face and was gone without another word.

Charlie stood there, flabbergasted, while Alice just looked furious.

"Charlie, I think I'm going to head off to bed…"Alice said finally, breaking the silence.

Charlie turned to Alice, as though he just now realized the time.

"Alright, Alice. Sleep well." I smirked, knowing that Alice had no intention of sleeping tonight, or ever for that matter. She flitted off gracefully, climbing the stairs at a normal human pace, which no doubt seemed agonizingly slow. Somehow, I knew she was waiting for me. I sighed and followed her up the stairs, sparing one last glance for Charlie.

When I entered my room, the lights were off. Alice was standing by the window staring off into the woods, her skin shimmering slightly from the moonlight streaming in from the heavens.

I shut the door with a satisfying _click._ Her head snapped towards the door. It was difficult to see her face clearly, but from what I could tell, she looked a little bit frightened, as well as a smidge hopeful.

"Bella? Is that you?"

"Alice." I said quietly. I wasn't sure what to say. I hadn't been prepared for this. I walked over to the bed and sat down.

"Where are you?"

"Over here." I called. Confusion clouded her perfect face. "On the bed." I clarified for her benefit. She nodded, looking somewhat irked. I was about to ask her about it, but she beat me to it.

"Why can't I see you?" She asked suspiciously. I shrugged, then realized the gesture was lost to her. "Bella?" She sounded panicked.

"I'm still here." I muttered. "and, to answer your question, I have no idea. Beats me. I'm also mystified as to why you can hear me."

She considered this as she came over to the bed and plopped down. After a long silence, she spoke.

"Bella, why?" Her eyes were filled with sadness. I avoided her question and played dumb.

"I already told you, I don't--"

"No, Bella. That's not what I mean." She said coldly. "How could you be so, so--"

"Reckless and stupid?" I finished for her dully.

She nodded, clearly too upset for words. I sighed heavily. This wasn't something I was comfortable talking about, but Alice wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"Because I was done, Alice. My life became pointless after…after. I tried for a long time to pretend, for Charlie, but he wasn't fooled. I was like a zombie. The living dead. And, to be honest, I just couldn't handle the pain. _He_ didn't love me anymore, so I figured what's the poi-"

"What?" Alice's shocked gasp cut me off.

"I said he doesn't love me." How could she not know that? She was the psychic, after all.

"Isabella Marie Swan! That is _not_ true!" Alice sounded horrified that I could ever think such a thing. I just gaped at her. "Bella, Edward loves you more than anything in this world and the next. If you could just see what leaving you did to him…" She trailed off.

"Oh." Was all I could say. I didn't believe her. There had been too much conviction in his eyes when he told me. He didn't want me. I was no good for him.

As for what she said about what leaving _me_ did to _him_, well, I would guess that he probably just felt guilty that he had "bothered" me for so long. Maybe he was sorry about the whole James incident, or he felt responsible for putting his whole family in jeopardy. Not to mention Jasper at my eighteenth birthday "party". If he'd killed me, he would never have gotten over the guilt. Of course, I don't think that _he _would have let that happen. Or, at least, I thought so then. Now, I wasn't so sure. But it was a moot point now, anyways. There was no point in beating a dead horse.

"Dear Lord, that boy was a fool. Now look what's happened!" Alice exclaimed, throwing her hands up in frustration.

I sighed sadly.

"It's alright, Alice." I tried to be comforting, to soothe her, ease her concerns, but it came out pained. And she'd have none of it.

"No, Bella, it's not alright. Don't you get it? When Edward finds out--" I winced when she said his name. She noticed.

"He doesn't know?" I could bring myself to say his name.

"No." Alice snapped. "No ones knows. I didn't tell them because they would have told Edw--him. Even if they didn't want to. I know." She tapped her head ominously. "All they know is that I had a vision about you." She hopped up and began pacing back and forth, unable to sit still. "Charlie doesn't even know! He still believes you're alive." I dropped my head in shame. I hadn't thought about Charlie.

"He'll know soon enough. When they find my body. _If_ they find my body." I explained nonchalantly. I realized my body was probably on the bottom of the ocean right now. Alice scoffed at my offhand demeanor, but said nothing.

"So," I said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "Now what?"

"Well, eventually I'll have to go back to Denali and tell everyone what happened." She explained carefully. "And what about _him_?"

Alice just shook her head. "I don't know yet." She sat down again, looking frustrated. Without thinking, I scooted next to her and gave her a hug. She jumped, not expecting it, but relaxed after a bit. After a few minutes of this, she shivered.

"Geez, Bella, you're cold." I pulled away.

"Sorry." I mumbled.

"Don't be." She found my hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Hey Alice?" I called.

"Hmm?"

"Could you do me a favor?" I bit my lip, anxiously waiting for a reply.

"As long as it isn't _too_ illegal." She joked. "Though for you, I'd probably still do it." I laughed lightly. I hadn't really laughed in a long time.

"Would you try not to tell Edward about our little conversation?" Alice pondered my request, the moments seeming to stretch on endlessly.

"I suppose it would be better that way. For some reason, I can't see how he'll react."

I exhaled in relief. "Thanks."

"Anytime." She replied happily.

"And Alice?"

"Yes Bella?" She chuckled warmly.

"I'm glad you're here."

"Me, too, Bella. Me, too."

**

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**

a/n: wow. That was a long one. While it might not seem like it, that was a filler chapter more than anything. Things are really going to get interesting in the next couple chapters. Be excited.


	5. Chapter 5

**a/n: wow. That's all I can say. You guys give the best reviews ever. Really! I was so happy, I couldn't sleep. So I stayed up and wrote instead.**

**Edward's POV**

Dead. Bella was dead. Somehow, the words 'I can't believe it', don't even _begin_ to cover it.

I'd thought I'd known pain, no, _agony_, in those endless months without her, but somehow knowing she was out there, alive and happy, made it possible to continue existing, no matter how painful.

But now she was dead. My beautiful angel, my Bella, was gone forever.

As soon as they told me, I'd tried to run, to go to the Volturi and beg for sweet obliteration, but Alice, of course, tipped off Jasper and Emmett, so they'd stopped me. We struggled for what seemed like an excruciatingly long time, even for a vampire, until I finally gave up. I'd just leave later, when they weren't expecting it.

_Don't even think about it,_ Alice warned inside her head.

"Too late," I choked, not caring who heard me.

Then I'd collapsed on the ground, gasping for air my dead cells didn't need as the truth sunk in: Bella was dead.

I was grateful they let me slump off to my room without trying to stop me so I could suffer alone. But that didn't mean I could just shut off their brains. Or mine.

For the past few days, everyone has been on red alert. They all have their own thoughts on the matter of Bella's death, and have made no effort to keep their thoughts to themselves. Even though I insisted on being alone to wallow in my despair, practically everyone has had a little "chat" with me, though it was a rather one-sided conversation from their point of view.

The only one who hadn't even tried to speak to me was Rosalie. She knew the only things she had to say to me wouldn't be that helpful or benefit society in any way. Things like, "Get over yourself already," or "you knew this was bound to happen one day," or " you brought this on yourself and you're bringing the whole family down with you." The worst part of it all was that it was all painfully true. There was only one thought that she had that I couldn't bear to hear, because no matter how Rosalie felt, it wasn't true. "I don't understand why he's so upset, she's _just_ a human." I almost left my room to attack her for that thought, but never made it past the door due to a very annoying, short, psychic standing outside my room.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Alice reprimanded me.

"Go away, Alice!" I snarled, a little too viciously for Jasper's comfort. He hissed from somewhere downstairs. I couldn't blame him, though. He was under an extreme amount of stress due to the overall depression that had settled over the family.

I stalked angrily back to my couch and curled up into a useless ball again. Bella was _not_ just a human. She was _my_ Bella, _my_ miracle, and now she was gone. Forever.

**

* * *

**

Alice's POV

I felt the all-too-familiar grimace settling over my face, burdened by what I was about to do. He had to be told someday, and while I whole-heartedly disagreed that sooner was better than later, I couldn't keep my mind blocked forever, and Edward was going to become suspicious if I stayed away much longer. Experience told me he was already suspicious.

"Edward, sit down," I began gently. He looked confused, then frustrated as he tried and failed once again to read my mind. Stubbornly, he crossed his arms and remained standing. I shrugged. _Suit yourself._ I couldn't say I was surprised. Edward had never been complacent to anyone's demands.

Sensing my distress, Jasper sent out waves of calm. I smiled gratefully at him.

"Listen, Edward, before I continue, I need you to promise me something," I paused. His eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"That depends on what the promise is."

_Please don't do anything stupid. Think of the family, _I pleaded in my head. No one else needed to hear it. It was strictly for Edward's benefit. He nodded slowly, cautiously. Most likely, he did it only to please me, because my vision hadn't changed. My efforts had been a lost cause. I'd seen that as soon as Edward heard that Bella was dead, he would go to the Volturi. I couldn't let that happen.

"Jasper, Emmett." Unbeknownst to Edward, I'd given them the secret signal to prepare themselves to stop Edward. If he started running, there'd be no stopping him. He was the fastest runner in our family.

With one final sigh, I began, "Edward, I have some terrible news. Horrendous news…" I paused. I hated doing this to him.

"About?" he asked quietly, eerily calm, silently dreading what he knew I would say.

"About Bella." He flinched when I said her name. It reminded me of her, when I said his name.

"Tell me," he pleaded softly.

"There was…an accident." _More like 'Bella walking into trouble'. _"Do you remember those men you rescued her from in Port Angelos?" I didn't use her name this time. He was in enough pain already.

Of course he remembered the men. A loud growl told me my suspicions were correct.

Rather than tell him exactly what happened, I cut to the chase.

Emmett squirmed uncomfortably in his chair. He hated anticipating the inevitable. Edward's eyes flickered over Jasper and Emmett. He frowned slightly. _Better get this over with._

"Edward, Bella's dead."

Even though I'd known what to expect, nothing could have prepared me for Edward's reaction.

There was an earsplitting scream that held nothing but agony in it, followed by the sound of three bodies colliding, though it sounded more like thunder. Edward was pinned to the ground, crying tearless sobs and struggling against Emmett and Jasper like a wild animal caught in a trap. Jasper was trying to calm him down, for Edward's sake as much as his own, but to no avail.

"LET ME GO!" Edward bellowed between staggered, shaky breaths. He sounded like he would hyperventilate and pass out, if he could.

"No, I can't do that, Edward," I said sadly, with only the tiniest bit of ice leaking in. He didn't say anything else, but continued to struggle. Emmett and Jasper were having trouble keeping him down.

Panic began to rise in my throat. "Edward, you promised!" I reminded him, desperate. Slowly, he stopped resisting. I had a vision of him escaping later, when no one was looking. _Don't even think about it._ I glowered at him venomously. He glared back, all hope gone from his eyes. They were dead, blank, as though all the light had gone from the world.

Eventually, he collapsed on the ground in a heap of despair. I motioned for Jasper and Emmett to let him be. He wasn't going to try anything, but we'd stay close by just in case he got any ideas. I heard him pick himself up with great effort and drag himself up stairs, sealing himself away from the world. He wouldn't come out for at least three weeks. Not even to hunt.

"Well, it could have been worse…" Emmett tried, with absolutely no conviction.

_No, it really couldn't have gone any worse,_ I thought, hoping to whatever god was listening that Edward couldn't hear me.

**

* * *

**

Bella's POV

After my brief encounter with Alice, I found myself back on the island, much to my dismay.

_Great. Here again._

I don't think I would mind it so much if there were actually something to do, or someone to talk to at the very least.

Of course, stupid _Natas_ was nowhere to be found.

I vaguely remembered him mentioning that there were other people on this island, but that was yet another detail he'd left hanging to taunt me. As it was, I had yet to actually see said people, so with nothing other than Nat's word that they were here and virtually unlimited time to waste, I headed off down the beach.

After wandering around aimlessly for hours, I finally gave up, stamping my foot on the ground.

"Stupid God-forsaken spit of land. Paradise, my ass," I muttered under my breath, venting my pent-up frustration.

"Oh, come on now, I wouldn't say it's God-forsaken!"

I gasped, spinning around on my heel to see who'd spoken.

"Who's there?" I called out. Cautiously, I bent down to pick up a stick that had washed up on the beach.

"Now you see what you've done, Gabe? You just couldn't resist!" It was a different voice that spoke now. I turned around wildly, probably looking ridiculous, trying to locate the one's speaking.

The first voice chuckled. "You're right, I really couldn't resist. It's just too funny. Look at her!" I assumed this was "Gabe", as the second voice had said.

"Nat, if that's you, I swear…" I murmured, tired of this game.

"Whose Nat?" Gabe asked.

"You know, _Natas_?" I sneered.

"Hmmm…this could be a problem," the second voice whispered. "Alright, play time's over." With that, two of the most beautiful creatures I'd ever seen appeared on the beach. Even more beautiful than _them._ Heavenly was the only word one could use to describe them. Of course, not all things beautiful are benevolent.

I brandished my stick, waving it wildly in front of me.

"Alright, I don't know what the hell is going on here, but I have a stick, and I'm not afraid to use it!"

They both laughed. It was more beautiful than a symphony orchestra.

"That one's got a mouth on her," the voice I recognized as belonging to Gabe noted.

"That she does," agreed the second voice.

"Who _are_ you?" I demanded.

"Why don't you put down the stick, honey?" the second one asked. I glared at them, then glanced down at my so-called weapon. It wasn't going to do me any good, anyhow.

Slowly, I lowered the stick to my side and dropped it. I calmed myself down, taking a few breaths. "Will one of you please explain what's going on here?"

They looked at each other, as if silently communicating. For all I knew, they were. Finally, they turned to me again.

"What do you want to know?" the second one asked cautiously.

"Who are you?" I asked for the second time today.

"My name is Johnalyn, and the knucklehead over there is Gabe."

Johnalyn, it seemed, was the spokesperson, as she'd done most of the talking. She reminded me of Esme, only with dark brown hair. I assumed she was, in fact, a _she,_ being the more feminine of the two. She stood there with a graceful, calm look about her, as though she were trying not to frighten me.

Gabe, on the other hand, had a ridiculous grin slapped on his face, as he shook in a fit of laughter. His curly hair reminded me of Emmett, but it wasn't quite as dark. It was more like _his_ hair, but only in color.

Why did my brain insist on comparing everybody I met with the Cullens?

Remembering my manners, I stuck out my hand. "I'm Bella. Bella Swan."

"We know," they chorused together. Neither one of them even looked at my hand. Awkwardly, I retracted it. _That was weird._

"Sorry about…earlier. You guys kind of spooked me." I stared at my feet, embarrassed.

"That's alright, dear," Johnalyn said warmly. "If _somebody_ hadn't felt the need to make a fool of himself…", she trailed off, leaving the rest to the imagination.

"So, um, not to be rude or anything, but how do you know me?" I asked tentatively. No point in beating around the bush.

"Well, you're in and out of the hospital so much, it'd be hard _not_ to know who you are!" Gabe explained like it was the most obvious answer in the world. He smiled widely at some private joke. I just stared at him. Johnalyn rolled her eyes.

"Ignore him. Please."

"Aw, c'mon, you know you thought it was funny!" She gave him a look that said, 'no, I did not think it was funny'.

"Anyway, Bella," Johnalyn said, turning back to face me, "we've been watching you for quite some time now. You're quite an interesting case, I must say."

"Case?" I didn't like the way that sounded.

"Let's just say you've got our attention," Johnalyn said evasively. Why did everyone have a fetish for being vague, especially where I was concerned?

"Apparently, we aren't the _only_ ones who've taken an interest," Gabe said darkly.

"What do you mean?" I asked innocently.

"I believe a better question would be to ask 'who?'," Gabe hinted.

I thought about this momentarily. The only person I'd talked to recently was Alice… and Nat, I suppose. Then it clicked.

"Do you mean Nat?" they didn't answer. "Oh, please, he's harmless!"

Johnalyn raised one of her perfect eyebrows. "Really." It wasn't a question.

"Well, he hasn't done anything to me," I explained. It was the truth.

"Not yet." Johnalyn's voice had a foreboding tone that made me uncomfortable. "I wouldn't trust him, if I were you," she warned. I bit my lip.

This was a huge problem. I felt like I owed something to Nat, seeing as he'd been the first person to find me and help me out. There was something in the back of my mind that said there was something off about him, but it was a very small part. He'd been nothing short of helpful, as well as patient. Then these two beautiful people show up, acting very strange, telling me that they've been _watching_ me, while insisting that someone I'd known longer than them had nothing good up his sleeve and should be avoided.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I think I'll take my chances," I said cautiously. Johnalyn didn't looked surprised, while Gabe had a look that said 'are you crazy?' "It's not that I think you're lying or anything, but I _did _just meet you."

Johnalyn sighed, "I can't say I'm surprised. Having watched you all this time, you seem to have an extreme propensity to gravitate towards dangerous situations."

I smiled. "Danger magnet."

"Don't I know it." Johnalyn crossed her arms, looking less than happy. "Consider yourself warned. You tread on delicate grounds." I nodded to show I understood.

We stood there awkwardly for awhile, no one saying anything.

"How long have you been watching me?" I only spoke when I couldn't stand the tension anymore.

"Since you decided you were going to move to Forks." It was Gabe who answered this time.

"But why? I'm not really that interesting." I was both flattered and disturbed that I'd been watched for almost a whole year now.

"Oh, I beg to differ. It's unusual to find someone so selfless. Especially in a human." I frowned at the last part. _Especially in a human._ What was that supposed to mean?

"I don't really see how that makes me interesting," I said finally.

"Really? Well then, what about falling in love with a vampire? Or the fact that an entire coven of vampires was willing to put their whole existence on the line for you, going against the very basest of their natures? You don't find that interesting?" I gaped at her, mouth wide open. "Hmm. Didn't think so," she finished smugly.

A dark look clouded Gabe's face. He mumbled something to Johnalyn that I couldn't quite make out. It sounded like he said something along the lines of, "We've got company," but I couldn't be sure. Johnalyn's eyes narrowed as she looked at something beyond me.

"Listen, Bella, we have to go now. Something has…come up."

"What? Why?" Once again, I was being left. I was starting to sense some kind of pattern.

"Call it a minor detail," Johnalyn grumbled.

"Well, you know what they say, Johnnie dearest," Gabe said sweetly. Johnalyn made a face at the nickname she'd been given.

"The devil is in the details," she finished. They both gave me a very pointed look. Had I missed something? I sighed, looking down at the sand sadly.

"Alright. Whatever you say. Will you be back?" I waited to hear their reply. None came. I looked up, to see a different face staring back at me.

"Boo."

**

* * *

**

Alice's POV

Even though I'd promised Bella I wouldn't tell Edward about our conversation from beyond, I had half a mind to tell him anyway, if only to cheer him up a little. I wasn't entirely sure he'd handle it well, though. At least, not at this point. He might not even believe me.

Of course when he did find out, which was bound to happen eventually, he'd be furious that I'd kept it from him initially. But better safe than sorry, right?

To tell the truth, I wasn't entirely sure it'd happened. It could've been a figment of my imagination, wishful thinking gone too far, pushing my mind to delusion. I'd have to ask Carlisle if vampires ever suffered from mental illness.

The more I thought about it, the less likely it seemed that I'd really seen Bella, or heard her, rather. I hadn't seen it happening in a vision, nor had I actually _seen_ her. But it had seemed so real. Undeniably so. She'd even _touched _me! Even _I_ wasn't creative enough to have imagined that.

My mind wandered back to mental illness. What if this were something leftover from my human days in the insane asylum? I'd never doubted myself before. Not really. I shuddered to think how cruel it would be to tell Edward I'd talked to Bella, only to discover later I'd imagined the whole thing.

No.

I couldn't--wouldn't--do that to Edward.

Besides, Bella, if she _were_ still out there, would be _furious_ if I broke my promise.

The phrase _silent as the grave_ came to me.

I could keep a secret, couldn't I?

**

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**

a/n: And so the plot thickens. Bet you weren't expecting that one, huh? Well, to tell you the truth, neither was I. I didn't expect Johnalyn and Gabe to come around until much later, but they didn't feel like waiting. Or so it would seem.


	6. Chapter 6

**a/n: this is officially the longest chapter yet, at 5,769 words. I almost split it up into two chapters, but decided against it in the end. Hope you like it!**

_disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of it's characters._

_"Well, you know what they say, Johnnie dearest," Gabe said sweetly. Johnalyn made a face at the nickname she'd been given._

"_The devil is in the details," she finished. They both gave me a very pointed look. Had I missed something? I sighed, looking down at the sand sadly. _

"_Alright. Whatever you say. Will you be back?" I waited to hear their reply. None came. I looked up, to see a different face staring back at me._

"_Boo."_

**

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**

Bella's POV

"Nat?" the surprise was evident in my voice.

"Miss me?" he grinned. I couldn't help but to smile in return.

"Yes, actually."

We walked along the beach in silence for awhile, neither one of us feeling the need to speak. I was too wrapped up in my thoughts to care. What on earth had they meant? _The devil is in the details._

"I noticed you had a couple of visitors," Nat said finally. He kicked the sand bitterly.

I swallowed nervously. "Yep. Sure did, "What was I supposed to say?"

Nat stopped walking and turned to face me. "You know," he said quietly, "I would avoid them if I were you."

I frowned. "You know, it's funny you should say that, because they said the_ exact_ same thing about you. Hmm, " I continued walking, not bothering myself to see if he was following me."

"Well?" he asked after he caught up to me.

"Well, what?"

"Which one of us do you believe more? Me, or them?"

I looked thoughtfully at the sky. "Honestly, I think you're both a little off your rockers. And believe me, I would know."

Apparently, this wasn't a sufficient enough answer for him.

"What do you mean, you would know?"

Finally, it was my chance for a little revenge.

"Let's just say I've known some interesting people," I looked at him from under my eyelashes, trying to communicate that I was serious, giving my best 'don't ask, don't tell' look. He seemed to understand, because he didn't ask about it anymore.

"So, what did you do during your little trip?" he asked indifferently.

"Oh, you know. Stuff," I was having far too much fun getting revenge to give him a decent answer.

"No, I don't know. That's why I asked," I could tell he was getting irritated.

"You know that I'm just messing with you, right?"

He stared at me. "Why would you do that?"

I rolled my eyes. "Just to bother you." The look of utter contempt on his face made me laugh out loud.

"I think I missed out on the part where this was funny," his tone was serious, but the corners of his mouth were twitching.

"Oh, come on, you know you liked it."

"I can't say I did," he clucked sadly. "But in all seriousness, what _did_ you do? I'm just curious."

"Well, I did lots of sneaking around, no thanks to you," I wasn't really that upset anymore, but it _had_ been annoying at the time.

"What else?"

"Nothing, really," I said, looking away. It was more or less true. I wasn't sure I wanted to tell him about Alice. What if I had broken some unspoken rule?

I must have debated this for awhile, because Nat suddenly burst out, "Tell me what you're thinking."

I took a sharp intake of air. _He_ used to ask me that. I wrapped my arms around my torso. _Stupid hole won't leave me alone, even in death._ After the initial shock was gone, I settled on confusion. "Since when do you need to ask?"

"I've always had to ask. I just haven't had a reason to," he said this all rather matter-of-fact, though he seemed just as confused as me.

"Oh," was my brilliant reply. So he really couldn't read my mind? "Then how--"

"Do I always know what you're about to say?" he finished for me.

There, he'd done it again. I narrowed my eyes and nodded stiffly.

"What can I say? You're easy to read." He shrugged, like that explained everything. I scowled at him. That most definitely did _not_ suffice. He kept talking, ignoring me as usual. "You never did answer my question."

"Which one?" I asked sarcastically.

"What are you thinking about?" I pursed my lips. I still hadn't decided if I wanted to tell him about Alice. I suppose I didn't have to tell him _everything_. What he didn't know couldn't hurt him, and since he couldn't read my mind after all, well, he'd never know unless I told him.

"Well, I was thinking about my friend Alice."

"Why?" I was taken aback by his question. I hadn't expected him to ask that.

"Well…because I saw her," that was it. If I said anything else I was sure to blow my cover. But knowing Nat, he would just keep digging until he got what he was after. At least I could say I tried.

"Really? You saw her? That doesn't sound like 'nothing' to me," he looked quite smitten with himself.

"Hmm," I didn't like where this was headed.

"Was there something else you wanted to say?"

"Um…" what was the worst that could happen to me? It's not like he said I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone. "Well I did kind of _talk_ to her," I said quietly, coward that I was.

Nat's face fell. "What?"

I might as well make the confession a complete one and get it over with. "And I touched her…"

Nat was full out scowling now. He scratched his head thoughtfully. "Well I have to say that's a first," he didn't sound _too_ upset. In fact, he sounded shocked.

"You're not angry?" I asked timidly. He looked at me out of the corner of his eye.

"No. Should I be?" he joked.

"So I didn't do anything wrong?" I couldn't believe it.

Nat chuckled softly, "No, you didn't do anything wrong. You _did_, however, do something I didn't think was possible."

"What did I do?"

"You touched a human."

I felt my stomach drop. Apparently, Nat didn't know that Alice was _not_ human. I wondered if he even knew about vampires. _He must know. How could he not?_

"Did I."

Nat looked at me quizzically. "That's what you said, isn't it?" I nodded. _This is bad._ "Then what are you talking about? Did you touch more than one person? Did she see you?"

I squeezed my hands together to keep them from shaking, "No, no. I only touched one person." Even though she wasn't really a _person_, _per se_. Though I saw all of The Cullens as people, the fact that they were vampires made them monsters in the eyes of some.

I recalled the time I'd been told what the Cullens were. That trip to La Push. Jacob Black had told me his ancestors were werewolves, the mortal enemy of vampires. I remembered the treaty, how much the Quileutes hated the Cullens. It was beyond ridiculous. The Cullens were all such _good_ people, it was a pity that their legends and superstitions prevented them from being friends. Jacob didn't seem to believe any of the stories, though, which was probably the only reason he told them to me. I'd always liked Jacob. I wished I'd gotten to know him better.

Nat was looking at me with a concerned expression on his face. "Hello? Earth to Bella?" he waved his hand in front of my eyes, which more likely than not were glazed over.

"I'm sorry, Nat, what were you saying?" The serious look on his face alerted me to the fact that it was probably important. I heard him mumble something about "space cadet" before asking, "Who was it you said you touched again?" compared to some of his other questions, this was an easy one.

"Alice. Alice Cullen." I said this nonchalantly, as though commenting on the weather. "Why do you ask?" Nat didn't answer. I noticed he'd stopped dead in his tracks. _For the love of Christ_. "Something wrong?"

"Alice Cullen?" he asked slowly. I nodded. "Alice Cullen as in Dr. Carlisle Cullen?" I frowned. I didn't like where this was headed.

"Yes…is there something I'm missing here?"

Nat shook his head slightly. "I'm just surprised they would associate with someone like you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snapped at him, offended.

"Relax, if you know the Cullens, then you know they don't socialize with people outside their family,." Of course, how could I forget that? _Because you spent nearly every waking moment with them. __Or, at least, with __him_.

"I was very close with them," I began quietly, "but apparently, I wasn't as close as I thought."

Nat cocked his head. "What do you mean?"

"They…left."

"Why?" he asked insensitively. I couldn't really be mad at him, though. It wasn't like he knew what talking about them did to me.

"Your guess is as good as mine." How could I tell him that they had to move on because they didn't look old enough anymore, and that the love of my life didn't _want_ me?

"So they just left without saying anything?"

"Um…not exactly," I wanted to believe they all would have said goodbye to me, if it weren't for…_Edward_, convincing them that a "clean break" would be better. My heart had been destroyed, anyways, so what did it matter? I'd never gotten to say goodbye, and never would.

Nat seemed to sense that I'd reached my limit and wouldn't talk about them leaving anymore.

So he moved on to a more painful topic. "How did you meet the Cullens?" I stood there blinking for awhile, gathering my strength.

"Because of _him,"_ I gasped, wrapping my arms around my chest, trying in vain to keep myself together. I knew the question that would come next, and I wasn't sure I could handle it. I could barely think the name, let alone say it out loud.

"Who?"

"_Edward,_" I tried to say it slowly, as though that would make it less painful. It didn't. Saying his name was like swallowing a poisonous thorn, burning and stabbing me as it made it's way through my body, coursing through my bloodstream.

"Edward Cullen?"

I winced. "Yes."

"He took you to meet his family?" Nat was incredulous, making me defensive.

"Well, not right away," I sounded weak. And I was. Nat clearly had no idea how incredibly painful this was for me. Or so I hoped. I couldn't see him asking these questions if he knew what it did to me.

After a long silence, Nat asked, "Are they responsible?"

Responsible? "For what?"

"Your death," he spoke through clenched teeth. He looked livid, fierce.

_What's his problem?_ I wondered. Despite this, I almost laughed at his question. The irony was just too perfect. Even if he didn't _want _me, I was sure that Edward didn't want me to die. It was part of the reason he refused to change me into a vampire. In reality, it probably had more to do with the fact that he didn't want me the way I wanted him--forever. I was merely a distraction. Sadly, there wasn't enough of me left for laughter, so I went for anger instead.

"No! Of course not! The Cullens would _never_…" I trailed off. I couldn't believe Edward wanted me to _die._ If that were true, he wouldn't have tried so hard to keep me alive in the first place, and he wouldn't have made me make that ridiculous promise. "No. The Cullens had no hand in my death. They wanted nothing but the best for me." I was stricken by the truth of my own words. _Where did that come from?_

"So they left? That seems rather harsh and cruel of them." I snorted. _No, really?_

"Well Nat, life's not fair," I said crossly. "They had good intentions, and they expected I would get over it and move on."

"But you didn't." It wasn't a question.

"No," I frowned, "the day I died was the first time I'd been out since he…left."

"What happened?"

"Nothing! Absolutely nothing! I just sat there, day in and day out, not eating, not talking, not sleeping. I was a zombie! Borderline catatonic, or so they tell me. I was the living dead." I exhaled, releasing a lot of pent up emotion. I'd never actually talked to anyone about what happened to me, and now I'd just spilled my guts about the worst four months of my life, before the bitter end.

"You know quite a bit about the 'living dead', now, don't you?"

I pursed my lips, unsure how to answer that question. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"If you don't mind me asking…" _Great. What does he want now? _"how did you die?" I wondered if it was normal to be asked so unceremoniously about one's death.

"You mean you don't know?" Well, this was a surprise. Nat seemed to know almost everything.

"I'd like to hear it from you," he said finally, in a very non-answering fashion. I had no idea if that meant he knew, but wanted to hear it from my point of view, or if he wanted to hear it from me first. _I suppose it doesn't really matter…_

"Well, I'd been out to see a movie with my friend Jessica in Port Angelos. Afterwards, we'd been on our way to grab some food when I saw these four guys I thought I recognized." I paused, not sure how to continue. "After closer inspection, it turned out that it _was_ them. Long story short, they had their fun then threw me over a cliff to dispose of the evidence."

To say that Nat looked irate would be putting it lightly.

"What's wrong?" I asked, gently placing my hand on his arm.

"I just…can't believe it." I waited for him to continue, but he never did.

"Believe what?" I pressed. I was beginning to get tired of his habitual vagueness.

Nat pursed his lips, as if trying to decide whether or not he would really say what was bothering him. "It's nothing," he said finally. Clearly, he decided to keep his thoughts to himself.

_Yeah, right. _"Whatever you say." I made no effort to conceal the irritation in my voice. Nat looked like he was deeply conflicted. _Maybe he's going to tell me after all? Wouldn't that be a change. _

The ambivalence on Nat's face quickly faded to determination. Seeming to have reached some kind of decision, he asked, "Why did you go over to those men, Bella? Did you not know they were dangerous?"

I grimaced. Now I wished he hadn't asked at all. "No, I knew." He frowned.

"I don't understand..." Clearly he was missing the point. Did I have to spell it out for him?

"I went over to them _because_ they were dangerous."

Nat was furious. "What on earth possessed you to do that?" he demanded. I had no idea why he cared so much. It was a done deal.

I considered telling him about the voice in my head, but that would only confirm his suspicions that I was insane.

"Let's just say I wasn't in my right mind."

"Because of the Cullens?" he sounded a bit too hopeful. It made me want to take a step back from him. I remembered Johnalyn and Gabe, their warnings that Nat was not a safe person.

"Sure. You could say that." He was close enough to the truth, even if I didn't like it.

"I knew it," he muttered so quietly I wasn't sure I was meant to hear it. What was it with him and the Cullens?

"How do you know the Cullens?" I asked suddenly, somewhat suspicious. Maybe he had some secret vendetta against them, not that I really expected him to tell me that if it were true.

"Carlisle has been a dear friend of mine for quite some time. We go way back," he smiled fondly, as if thinking about his friend, but there was a strange glint in his eye.

I sat there quietly, pondering the meaning of his words. If he were friends with Carlisle, why was he so intent on blaming The Cullens for my death?

"You know," he said suddenly, "you can tell me why you really went over to those men."

I frowned. "But I already told you." He sighed and shook his head sadly.

"No, you really didn't."

"You caught that?" I asked quietly. He nodded slowly. "If I tell you, you'll probably just try to blame the Cullens again." I said this with absolute conviction, because it was true. If I told Nat I was enjoying a hallucination of Edward's voice, he'd undoubtedly come to the conclusion that it was all Edward's fault.

Nat remained silent, proving my suspicions were correct.

"It really _wasn't_ their fault, you know," I said quietly.

"If they hadn't left, it wouldn't have happened." He had a good point, there. But I refused to blame them. To blame _him._

I still failed to see why it meant so much to him.

"It's not like they wanted me to die." Well, not now anyways. _He_ wanted me to die after living a "long, happy, human" life.

"It sounds like they killed you four months ago."

That hurt. He had no right to say that, even if it were true.

"Why are you so afraid to talk about them? Is it because I'm right?" My mouth hung open, appalled. I stared a him in disbelief for awhile, before snapping my mouth shut.

"Can we talk about something else, please?" I asked shortly. I couldn't take much more of this.

"Actually, I should get going," Nat said icily. This was unlike him.

"Fine. See you later." And then he was gone. I was almost relieved that he was leaving, what with him acting so strangely, but it meant that I would be alone again. I mean, he didn't even say goodbye! I kicked the sand angrily and screamed in frustration before collapsing on the ground in a fit of tears. Why did everything bad have to happen to me?

More than anything, I just wanted to see Edward again, no matter how painful it was. The hole in my heart had already been torn wide open, what more damage could be done?

"Bella?" I heard the beautiful, velvet voice call out, almost cautiously. My heart stopped. _No. It wasn't possible._ I forced myself to look up into two dark golden orbs, wrought with hope. Painful hope. I must be having a hallucination. It had happened before, after all. It was how I'd gotten into this whole mess. But this wasn't just his voice--it was almost like he was actually _there. _So much better than in Port Angelos. _Something bad is probably going to happen to you, now._ But what more could go wrong? I was already dead. And this was most definitely worth it. So what if it was just a hallucination? I wasn't complaining. Might as well play along, right?

"E-Edward?"

**

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**

Edward's POV

It had been two and a half weeks.

Two and a half since I'd heard about Bella's death and all reason for continuing to exist were extinguished. I was surprised I'd lasted this long. Unfortunately for our kind, time does nothing to heal our wounds. I wished I didn't have to stay here, burdening my family. Even if I insisted I wasn't going to run off to find the Volturi, they'd refuse to let me go "in case things changed".

I groaned loudly. Eternally damned didn't even begin to cover it.

It was then that I heard a gentle sobbing in the corner of my room. I frowned. _That's odd..._I hadn't heard anyone come in. No thoughts. No scent. I struggled into a sitting position, slowly scanning the room.

There was no one.

I resigned myself to curl up into my tortured ball of pain, sorry that I'd bother to sit up in the first place.

As soon as I lay down, I heard the sobs again. _Just my luck. _I jumped up this time. It sounded like a girl. It sounded like...

_No, it can't be. That's impossible._

I was about to lie down, yet again, and attempt to ignore what I concluded was _imaginary_ crying when out of the corner of my eye something moved. I turned sharply to stare at the spot, but there was nothing there.

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. _I've finally lost it. My mind has cracked under the pressure. _I opened my eyes and wished I hadn't.

As if to confirm my suspicions, something white and wispy was materializing in the corner of my room. It flickered slightly as I inched closer. Despite what the more logical part of my brain was telling me, I wasn't afraid, more...curious. I pushed it to the back of my mind. What did I care anymore? Whatever it was, imaginary or not, it was most definitely female. The outline was faint, almost like rice paper. Translucent. I could practically see the light beams coming through her.

Then I froze. All the lights in my room were off. It matched my prospective future—dark, void of any light, any hope. Void of..._Bella_. So where were the beams of light coming from? The only decent answer I could come up with was that the light was coming from the girl. _How peculiar..._

In the back of my mind, something was screaming at me that this wasn't normal. Girls who emit their own light source don't appear out of thin air. I ignored that small part of my mind and dared to go closer. Since when was anything in my life _normal? _

The girl was becoming more and more substantial-looking by the minute, though not completely so. I could see now that she had chestnut hair that was hanging down in her face. Her beautiful heart-shaped face, which was currently contorted in pain.

My unbeating heart stopped. This cloud-like creature looked almost _exactly_ like Bella. I winced in pain at the thought. If there were any doubt in my mind before, now I was _positive_ that this was all some kind of sick mind game my psyche decided to play on my mangled heart.

No matter how painful it was, I couldn't help but to wonder. _Why now_? _Why did it have to be after she was already dead? _

I took another cautious step towards her. I might as well enjoy the game, even if I had to pay dearly for it later. Maybe I'd even get to talk to her. I was afraid to hope for anything, though. Hope would kill me.

"Bella?" I tentatively called out. I was only inches away from her face now. She slowly lifted her head, a myriad of emotions playing across her lovely face, which was a little less pained now that she had stopped crying. Sadness, confusion, joy, frustration. Then…hope?

"E-Edward?" She sounded frail, thin. Like an old recording. I still couldn't help but to smile. Bella was here, with me, however superficially. I wondered how creative my imagination was. I inhaled deeply, only to be disappointed. No freesia filled my senses. So I wasn't that good. I frowned. Could I touch her?

I attempted to reach out and tuck her hair behind her ear. I went right through. I suppose my imagination really isn't that good at all. I looked back to my pseudo-Bella, only to see that she was frowning.

"What's the matter, love?" she smiled slightly, hearing my voice. I hated to see her upset.

"You can't touch me," she explained quietly, the disappointment clear on her face.

"Or smell you." I admitted sheepishly.

"Well that just won't do!" she huffed, frustrated. I couldn't help but to chuckle. It was a foreign action to me. I hadn't done it in ages. She blushed lightly, which only made me smile more. She was exactly as I remembered her.

_Of course she's the same, Sherlock. She's a manifestation of __your_ _mind, after all._

"My imagination is really letting me down right now," she mumbled. I laughed again. I felt so…free. She narrowed her eyes. "You think that's funny, do you?"

"It's just that I was thinking the exact same thing," I explained.

"And how is _your_ imagination failing _you_?" she teased.

"I can only hear and see you, but nothing else. Not that I'm complaining."

She smiled. She was so beautiful when she smiled. "Neither am I," she paused, looking around the room as if she were only just now taking in her surroundings. "Where are we?"

I was slightly taken aback. Why would imaginary Bella ask that? Shouldn't she already know, seeing as she was a figment of my imagination?

"We're in Denali," her face fell a little bit, "why do you ask?"

"I was testing a theory," she said simply.

"And the results?" I joked, though I was truly curious.

"I was wrong," she concluded. Then she added, "I think."

"How can you be sure?"

"I can't." She looked irritated.

"Well, that's too bad."

"Crying shame," that reminds me…

"Why were you crying earlier?" I asked her, genuinely concerned even though I knew Bella would never cry again, assuming she was in heaven. She had to be.

The more rational part of me said I imagined her crying because I wanted to comfort her like I used to, and I that I wanted to be wrong about her moving on and being happy without me. But she was dead now, and wouldn't have the chance to live the happy human life I wanted for her.

She was frowning, concentrating very hard on a spot on the floor. She looked confused. I reached out to touch her again, only to pull back, remembering I couldn't. Instead I sat down next to her, getting as close as possible. I shivered.

_That's very odd. _I mused. I hadn't shivered in over a century. _Perhaps it's just an involuntary reaction to speaking to someone I know is dead._

Despite my logical solution to my shivering, I knew deep down that couldn't be it, because I was cold, or colder than usual at least. I was and always would be cold.

Bella's voice snapped me back to reality. "I was crying," she began, " because everything seems to be going wrong. I didn't think death would be so…depressing," I stiffled a laugh. Bella would be one to think that death wouldn't be depressing. But what she said next terrified me. "I thought it would be a relief from the pain, but I was wrong about that, too."

"What!" I exclaimed, panicked. How could she be so calm about this? It sounded like my imaginary Bella was talking about suicide, which didn't make any sense. I made her _promise_ not to do anything stupid. I honestly believed she would honor that promise. She wouldn't want to hurt Charlie that way. Would she? Alice never did tell me how she died…

"Well that makes sense," she mumbled to herself. "They wouldn't want to tell you. Knowing you, you'd feel extremely guilty and responsible. Being as prone to overreaction as you are, you'd run off and do something stupid..."

"You are aware I can hear you?" She smiled.

"I think I see, now."

"Bella…" I trailed off. I didn't know what to say to that. What did she see?

She closed her eyes and furrowed her brow, giving off the appearance that she was concentrating on something. I opened my mouth to say something, but she shushed me.

"Hold on, I want to try something."

"What?"

"Just go with me here. I have a hunch."

I sighed heavily. Whatever made her happy. Even if she weren't real. I pinched the bridge of my nose. I was struggling to rationalize her behavior in my mind. I couldn't come up with any logical reason why she was doing this. I opened my eyes to see her two big, bright, brown orbs looking up at me. She looked healthier now. I wondered absently why that was.

"Hold out your hand," she commanded. I obliged for some reason unbeknownst to me. She lightly placed her hand on mine. It didn't go through. "There," she said peacefully. My mouth hung open. She smiled at my reaction, but then her face fell a little. She was staring at our hands, spreading her fingers in and out.

"What's wrong?" I asked, happiness oozing out of my every pore. My imagination was half decent, after all.

"You're warm!" she didn't sound like she believed it herself. It sounded ridiculous, after all. I was a vampire, not warm, but cold and hard. Like granite. Then I noticed how cold Bella's hand was.

"And you're freezing." I shivered again. Now my mind was really outdoing itself, unfortunately in an inaccurate fashion. Even at her coldest, Bella had always seemed warm to me.

"Bella?" I questioned anxiously. She looked up at me, eyes confused.

"Edward, what did they tell you?"

"Who?" She wasn't making any sense.

"Your family. Alice, specifically." My good mood was rapidly fleeting. Why did we have to talk about this right now? And what did it have to do with her being so cold?

"They said that you were dead," I said dully. She seemed unphased by this.

"Is that all?" she pressed.

"Basically, yes. I wouldn't talk to any of them after that," I admitted sheepishly. She pulled her hand away. It hurt me, but I didn't stop her.

"You should." Understanding and wisdom filled her eyes in a way I'd never seen before. "How long has it been?"

"Almost two and a half weeks."

"I know you don't believe me, but talking about it with someone will help." I scoffed at this. I was failing miserably at understanding why my subconscious was telling me this when I whole-heartedly doubted it.

"Like who?" Who would understand? No one. She raised an eyebrow at me.

"You aren't the only person in your family who has lost someone very dear to them, you know."

What on earth was she talking about? Alice had Jasper, Emmett had Rosalie, Carlisle had…"Esme?" I mused. Bella nodded.

Of course. Esme had lost her son, back when she was a human. It was how she'd become a vampire in the first place. She'd tried to commit suicide. _Speaking of which_…

"Bella, you didn't…kill yourself, did you?" Why I was asking imaginary Bella, I didn't know. I had no idea how Bella had really died, so neither would my hallucination-gone-too-far.

"That's a conversation for another time," he said quietly, doing nothing to ease my concerns. Seeing my crestfallen face, she grabbed my hand again and gave it a squeeze. "Now, you should go talk to Esme."

"But--"

"If you _really_ want to know, go ask Alice. But I think you'd rather hear it from me." She laughed inwardly at some joke I hadn't caught. How was it that she knew me so well? _Because she is you. _

"Alright. Some other time, then." I felt Bella's hand pull away. I looked down to see that, once more, she was untouchable.

"I should go…" she said uncertainly, watching her hand as she flipped it over. My eyes grew wide with alarm.

"Why?" She'd just gotten here, or rather, I'd just imagined her.

"Don't worry, I'll be right here." She touched her hand to my dead heart, being careful not to go through. I was surprised that she still gave off a chill. I shivered. She smiled apologetically.

"Will I ever see you again?" I swallowed. Even if she weren't real, I'd take this over nothing.

"I'm sure you will." I relaxed. "Now go talk to Esme! I'll be right there with you." She laughed to herself again. She flickered slightly before fading away, the darkness of the room exaggerating her absence. Her laugh echoed in my room, making it feel much bigger than it actually was. I felt the pain seeping back in as she left. Even though she hadn't actually been here. I found comfort in the fact that she said she'd be with me. I touched my heart.

Somehow, though I knew it was silly, I felt her presence with me. I closed my eyes and imagined her squeezing my hand. Esme. Right.

I exhaled slowly, opening my door for the first time in days, the light blinding me. _Just like Bella_.

* * *

**a/n: what do you think? Poor Edward. He's so clueless.  
If anything seems unclear right now, most likely it will be cleared up in the next couple of chapters. But don't hesitate to ask any questions if you have them!  
also, do you want me to write all Bella and Edward's conversation from Bella's POV? I was going to do part of it into Edward's conversation with Esme, but if you want the whole thing just let me know.  
****Until next time!  
MusicMonger222**

**/n:**


	7. Chapter 7

**a/n: Sorry that this took so long to update! It's been insane around here. I even had to get stitches. I kid you not. I made this chapter extra long to make up for it. It is now the longest chapter I've written. Officially.**

**I went with the original plan didn't do all of B & E's conversation. It would have been long past the point of ridiculous if I had, anyway.**

**Anywho, enough chit chat. Enjoy!**

_disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of it's characters._

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Esme's POV

Alice and I had been downstairs laughing superficially at the memory of something Bella had done, but it was a hollow, dead laughter. Neither of our hearts were in it. How I missed her! She'd been like one of my own, but I never got the chance to tell her. And now, it was too late.

As much as Bella's death pained me, I could only imagine how Edward must be suffering. Jasper refused to even stay in the house for extended amounts of time. He said it was…pure agony. Alice was less than pleased about this development, but how could she be angry with Edward? How could any of us be angry at him? He hadn't come out of his room in days. Weeks! Not even to hunt. Alice assured me it was best just to leave him alone, but I couldn't help but to worry about him.

I sighed heavily as I stared out the window at nothing. I heard Alice stiffen beside me as she had a vision. It was something I'd become accustomed to, compared to when I first met her. The first time I saw her have a vision I was terrified. Even though, logically, I knew it wasn't possible, I was afraid she was having some kind of aneurysm. It no longer frightened me when she had visions, but these days her visions had a tendency to put me on edge. I always feared one of my children were in mortal danger. The way I saw it, I'd already lost _two_ children, and I couldn't bear to lose another.

Alice snapped out of her vision, looking confused, but peaceful. I eagerly awaited to hear the news. "Edward's coming to talk to you…" she said mistily. She squeezed my shoulder and flitted gracefully out of the room. Sure enough, I heard his door open slowly. What on earth could Edward want to talk to me about? Of course, I was glad he was finally coming out of his room, and even more pleased that he was choosing to confide in me, but I had a sneaking suspicion that whatever it was couldn't be good. I feared suddenly that he was coming to tell me he was leaving again.

"Don't worry, Esme," he called softly from behind me, "I'm not leaving." _Not this time. _I relaxed.

"Alice said you wanted to talk?"

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I wanted to talk to you about…" he hesitated, seeming unsure of himself, "loss."

"Of course." _What brought this on?_

"Let's just say I had some divine inspiration," he almost smiled at this, but not quite. I didn't understand what he meant, but it didn't matter. "I figured you would understand me the best, because you also lost a loved one," he gazed sympathetically at me. This wasn't easy for either of us. "I was wondering…how you coped?"

I chuckled softly. "You of all people should know I didn't really 'cope' with it at all." _Suicide is never the answer. Even though I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't tried to kill myself…but that doesn't usually happen. Once our kind is gone, we're gone. There is no other option._

"I meant after that," Edward murmured, clearly disturbed. Maybe I had been too bold in assuming he would go so far as to _kill_ himself. Surely he didn't want to die?

He shook his head, in response to my unasked question. It bothered me that it was a dismissive nod, not an answer to the question. I took a deep breath to calm myself, then went back to trying to answer his question. _Didn't you read my mind? After Carlisle changed me?_

"Yes, but for the most part, you tried not to think about it."

_I suppose that's true…even now I try not to think about it too much._ He gave me a look from under his thick eyelashes, as if to say 'I know'.

"I also don't like being able to read your mind all the time--both then and now, but more so then. It was so personal and private, I felt like I was intruding. Especially because I knew you wouldn't have said some of those things out loud."

I looked down remorsefully. I still remembered some of the things I thought after I was first changed, things I'm not proud of.

Edward grabbed my hand kindly. "Esme, there's no point in beating yourself up about it now. What's done is done. And honestly, who could blame you?"

_I knew there was a reason you're my favorite son._ Edward looked down modestly, but I could see the smallest traces of a smile playing on his lips.

"Don't tell your brothers," I teased. I sighed, remembering the reason why Edward and I were talking. _It was just too painful to think about. I just wanted to put it all behind me and forget, no matter how unhealthy it was._

"Easier said than done."

I chuckled at the truth of his words. "Truer words were never spoken." _I imagine it was easier for me that it would be for you. After all, human memories fade quickly, and I had Carlisle… and you. My first surrogate son. You were everything I could have asked for. _I smiled fondly at him. "Do you know how much I love you?" I asked. He smiled a little wider, genuinely pleased.

"I do," he gave my hand a squeeze.

_I don't know what I would do if you were gone._

"I know."

I rested my head on his shoulder, unable to look him in the eye without breaking down. _Please don't ever leave again._

"I'll try," he said quietly, hesitating slightly. He wouldn't want to lie to me.

I shivered suddenly. _That's peculiar…there must be a draft. _Edward grinned at some secret joke. I swelled with joy. _He's actually smiling!_

"I love it when you smile. I've missed you."

I knew he understood what I meant.

"Thank you, Esme. Mom. For the talk,"

Now I was grinning as well, my heart melting. He knew how much I loved it when he called me 'Mom'.

He pressed his lips to my forehead then stood up slowly and walked away. I heard him climb the stairs and shut the door to his room.

This left me feeling dejected, but I was glad we'd talked. It gave me hope that he would be, if not happy, then content again someday. He'd never be complete without Bella, that much I knew, but I couldn't bear the prospect that he would be depressed for the rest of eternity.

**

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**

Bella's POV

"Will I ever see you again?" The panic in his voice was easily detectable, though he kept a fairly straight face. I couldn't help but to smile. _He wanted to see me again._

"I'm sure you will," I promised, trying to ease his concern. "now go talk to Esme! I'll be right there with you." I laughed at the _true_ meaning of my words. Edward was still under the impression that I was a hallucination. _If he only knew._ I couldn't say he was at fault, though. I'd thought he wasn't real, either. Until he shivered, which made me remember Alice telling me I was cold.

There were lots of things like that which didn't make sense, and I'd tried to explain them away, but when Edward asked why I was crying, all those little pieces fell into place; I was actually _there_ with Edward. Sometimes I'm shocked at my own ignorance. I should have known better. But then again, Edward was always more of a dream than a reality for me.

As for the whole phase change from gas to solid bit, that was purely a lucky guess. I figured, if Alice could hear and touch me, and Edward can hear and see me, then surely there must be some way to be all three at once? True, it was harder and took more energy to be visible _and_ audible _and _touchable all at once, but it was worth the extra concentration it took.

I felt myself beginning to fade now, my energy dwindling. It would be easier to stay here longer if I didn't have to focus so much on remaining visible. And touchable…

I laughed once more when he couldn't see me, so he might know I was still there. I felt like the Cheshire Cat, giving just enough cryptic information to poor Alice (or, in this case, Edward) then disappearing, leaving them with more questions than they had to begin with.

As promised, I stayed there with Edward, watching over him. It was odd that _I_ was protecting _him_, in a sense, if only from himself. He looked…pained. No, it was worse than that. He looked like…me. Was it possible he was in as much pain as I? I felt a knot beginning to form in the pit of my stomach. _No._ It wasn't possible. I refused to accept it. Refused to accept that I'd made a terrible, selfish mistake.

_It's not like you chose to die. _My brain told me.

_But I didn't chose to live, either._ My heart stubbornly replied.

I shook my head and focused solely on Edward. He had a wistful expression on his face as he touched his heart, eyes closed. I couldn't resist grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze. He needed the support.

As Edward opened the door, I saw Alice get up and leave Esme sitting alone on the sofa. She must've had a vision of Edward coming to talk to Esme. I contemplated asking her if she could still hear me, but I decided not to risk ruining the 'hallucination' façade I was putting up.

It had become brazenly obvious that Alice had decided not to tell Edward about our chance meeting in Forks. I couldn't say I blamed her. They'd think she'd officially lost it if she came back saying, "You'll never guess who I saw in Forks!"

I jumped when I heard Edward's voice again, and came crashing back to the present. "Don't worry, Esme. I'm not leaving." I guessed he was responding to something she'd thought.

I sighed. This was going to be a very long conversation, indeed, if I only heard half of it.

"Alice said you wanted to talk?" Esme sounded welcoming, as always, but guarded. But who could hold it against her? Edward had been known to overreact. This, my death, was certainly no exception.

"I wanted to talk to you about…loss."

I could tell this answer took Esme by surprise, but she smiled warmly anyways.

"Of Course."

After a pause, Edward half-smiled and said, "Let's just say I had some divine inspiration."

I beamed. _Divine inspiration is one way of putting it_. Closer than he knew.

"I figured you would understand me the best, because you also lost a loved one."

He gave Esme a sympathetic look. She put on a brave face for Edward, and he for her, but the underlying hurt in both their eyes wasn't hard to detect. I wondered randomly where Jasper was, if he were still here, even.

"I was wondering," Edward continued, "how you coped?"

Esme laughed bitter sweetly. It wasn't the honey-sweet laugh I knew and loved so well. It was almost painful to watch. "You of all people should know I didn't really 'cope' with it at all." There was a certain sadness behind her words that made me see a whole different side to Esme. It made me miss her that much more. She had been like a second mother to me, and I'd never even gotten to tell her.

After that, the conversation turned into a one-sided conversation that was hard to follow, or it was for me, at least. At some point, I moved from where I was standing behind the couch to sit next to Esme. I stood up almost immediately afterwards, though, because I could see from her shivering that I was making her uncomfortable. I sighed, reminiscing how I used to bring warmth to my vampire family, but now only brought coldness.

Edward smiled a secret smile, perhaps at something Esme had thought. As his smile bloomed into a full out grin, I could've sworn I saw Esme start to glow. "I love it when you smile. I've missed you," she cooed contentedly.

"Thank you, Esme. Mom. For the talk."

Edward kissed Esme's head sweetly then stood up to leave. I dutifully followed him as he climbed the stairs.

Just before Edward shut the door, I stole a fleeting glance at Esme, and what I saw broke my heart. She was hunched over slightly, hands folded in her lap, staring blankly at the ground in front of her. I didn't need Jasper's ability to figure out how depressed she was. She was clearly trying to keep it from Edward, most likely because she didn't want to burden him further. The thing about being invisible, though, is that you often see the things people only show when they think no one is looking.

As soon as the door shut, I heard Edward anxiously moving about his room, which was pitch black as the lights were still off. Even though I knew he didn't need them on in order to see, it still made me sad. What had happened to Edward in those four agonizing, long months?

My eyes having adjusted to the dark, I could vaguely make out Edward pacing back and forth in front of the window. It was dark outside, night having fallen. There must have been a new moon, because no pale light spilled onto the floor through the cracks in the curtain.

Finally, I couldn't stand the silence any longer. "That wasn't so bad, now, was it? Talking?" Immediately he stopped pacing.

"Bella?" he called out anxiously, the sound of his voice instantly ameliorating my dark mood that matched the sky.

"Who else?" I teased.

I wanted him to know where I was, but knew that it would shorten the amount of time I could stay here. So instead, I felt along the wall until I found the light switch and flipped it on.

He was by my side in a flash. "Bella." It wasn't a question this time.

He muttered something about faulty mechanics under his breath that I surely wasn't meant to hear. Did he still honestly believe I was a hallucination? I exhaled in mock frustration, knowing I'd have to explain the truth to him eventually. But who said I couldn't have a bit of fun first?

"What's the matter, my sweet?" His eyes were filled with concern. He was likely to start growing grey hair, at this rate.

"What ever am I going to do with you?" I asked, avoiding the question. It was a tactic I'd learned from my _dear_ friend Natas. He was going to have _hell_ to pay when I saw him again. He had behaved absolutely atrociously, throwing his usual devil-may-care attitude out the window in spite of a new, icy demeanor, which I was _certain_ I hadn't deserved. I could feel my hands balling up into fists of frustration at just the thought of him. I took a deep breath, trying to calm down.

I put Nat out of my head for the time being, focusing only on the present, on Edward. I couldn't help but to reach out and stroke his face. He shivered, but smiled nonetheless.

"I was just wondering the same thing," he said quietly.

I walked around his room, seeing it in detail for the first time since I'd turned the lights on. It was different from his room in Forks, but had the telltale signs that said 'Edward' all over them. There was his stereo, his plethora of CDs. His couch. I frowned when I saw how dusty his stereo was, due to lack of use.

Quickly, so as not to give away my plan, I scanned through his CDs until I found the one I was looking for. I turned on the stereo and put in the disc.

Music immediately filled the space and surrounded me, like air in my lungs after being underwater for too long. I closed my eyes. It had been so long since I'd heard any music, mostly because I refused to listen to it.

"Claire de Lune," Edward said as he recognized the piece.

"You know Debussy?" I joked, remembering the day he'd driven me home after that fateful day in biology. Blood typing day. I still hated blood, still found it repulsing. I thought about what an awful vampire I would've been. What kind of vampire doesn't like blood?

I felt myself on the precipice of an emotional breakdown, having thought about the thing I'd forbidden myself to even _consider_ in the past four months of my own personal hell: the future I'd lost.

I breathed deeply, collecting myself. I indistinctly felt myself fluctuate in and out of visibility, but I didn't bother myself with caring. Out of habit, I wrapped my arms around myself and sat down on the ground. Edward was kneeling by me in a second.

"Bella? Are you alright?"

I laughed mirthlessly. I wondered what he must be thinking right now, if he were still under the impression that I was a figment of his imagination. Knowing Edward, he was struggling to rationalize everything in his brain, and most likely failing.

"I'm fine," I lied after a bit of time had passed for me to collect myself.

"You don't look fine," he noted perceptively. I'd given up trying to remain invisible, though it would have been helpful at the moment.

"You don't look so hot, yourself," I fired back.

"Touché," he remarked quietly.

We sat there, silently reflecting on the words we'd exchanged. Now, it seemed, was a good time to come clean about my presence here.

"Edward?" I squeaked. I wasn't sure how to go about this.

"Yes, Bella?"

I took a deep breath. "I have a small confession to make…"

He looked at me with an amused expression. "Do you."

I wondered absently if this was how he felt before I knew he was a vampire. "I know that this is going to sound…absurd, to say the least, but hear me out," I paused, looking at his beautiful, kind eyes, which were crinkled up because he had an irksome smirk plastered on his face. _We'll see how long _that _lasts._ "I'm not a hallucination."

This only seemed to entertain him. "If you're not a hallucination, what are you?"

"Edward, I'm…a ghost." _There. I said it._

I waited patiently for his response. Though I wasn't surprised, I couldn't say I was amused when he burst out laughing.

"Oh! That's…that's just…_too_ good!" Edward roared between gasps for air he didn't need.

"Do you think this is funny, Edward? That it's just some big joke?" I fumed. _What's his problem? _"I'm serious!"

I sat there, arms crossed, until his laughter finally died down. "Finished?" I demanded shortly.

"Yes, I think so," he sighed, bemused, with a twinkle in his eye. "As long as you don't say anything completely ridiculous again."

I glowered at him. "It is _not_ completely ridiculous, Edward."

"Oh really?" he challenged. "There's nothing about ghosts that says 'completely ridiculous' to you?"

"Said the vampire," I growled. This was getting old.

"Bella, _ghosts do not exist._"

"According to whom?"

"It's common knowledge," he shrugged, as if that explained everything.

"It's also 'common knowledge' that vampires don't exist, yet here we are, alive and well…_real_."

"First of all, Bella, I'm not exactly alive, and neither are you, if what you're saying is true, but it's a moot point, anyhow, because you're not real!" Now Edward was fuming. His voice had gotten marginally louder since the beginning of the conversation. Even if the house weren't occupied by vampires with enhanced hearing, it wouldn't have been difficult to hear our minor altercation.

"If I'm not real," I began calmly, "then explain to me how I'm here." I stood up with newfound purpose. "Explain to me how I can do this," I picked up his remote and waved it around, "explain to me why I'm cold to you, _and _to Esme." I had a smug expression on my face. _Try explaining _that_ one away._

His lips were pressed into a hard line. Why was he being so stubborn? _Because he's Edward._

"If you _still_ don't believe me, you can go ask Alice."

Edward opened his mouth smartly as if to say something, then snapped it shut as my words sunk in. "Alice?" he looked something between frustrated and curious.

"Did she not tell you what happened when she was in Forks?" I felt a little bad asking him this, already knowing the answer, but I was trying to prove a point.

"No. No, she didn't," he said, finally calming down.

He sat there pondering something for what seemed like an excruciatingly long time. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. "What are you thinking about?" I blurted out. The corners of his lips curved up slightly into a smile. He used to ask me that often.

"I was thinking about how Alice kept blocking her thoughts to me when she got back. Even after she'd told me about your…death, she kept blocking her thoughts. At least, she wasn't thinking about her visit to Forks. As I'm sure you can imagine, I was much too distraught at the time to care very much as to _why_ she was doing it. But now, I'm beginning to wonder…"

One thing he'd said stuck out like a splinter in my mind: _I was much too distraught._

"What happened?" I asked quietly, not sure I wanted to know.

"Well, first I tried to run off to the Volturi to end it all, but my family made it clear they weren't going to let me end my suffering, so I just holed myself up here to endure the agony alone." he frowned slightly. "Today was the first time I'd come out of my room since Alice told me."

I was horrified. _The Volturi_, Edward had told me, were like vampire royalty. _You don't irritate the Volturi, not unless you want to die--or whatever it is we do._ When Alice told me she saw Edward trying to run off to the Volterra when she told him about my death, I wasn't sure what to make of that. But you don't bet against Alice. The only reason for this I could surmise then hadn't changed--he felt guilty. As much as it pained me, I knew I had to set things right. If there were anything I wanted, it was for him to be happy. "Edward, you can't let this, this _guilt_ control your life like this. It's not _your_ fault I died, no matter what you may think. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine! It was going to happen one day anyway, it's what humans do--we die," I paused to take a breath. This was hard for me to do. Edward stared at me with agonized eyes. "How could you be so thoughtless? Didn't you even stop to think about Esme and Carlisle and--"

"Isabella Marie Swan!" Edward cut me off suddenly, eyes full of comprehension as if the meaning of my words had only just sunk in. _Why is it that everyone insists on using my full name when they're upset with me? "_Do you think I did all those things because I felt…guilty?" Edward glared incredulously at me.

"Didn't you?" I was utterly confused.

"Of course! How could I not? If I'd been there, like I should have been, none of this would have happened!"

"I don't understand…" were the only words my mouth could form. I was instantly reminded of what Alice had said to me in Forks. _"Edward loves you more than anything in this world and the next."_ I didn't really believe it anymore now than I had then, but by the way he was acting, I had to wonder…

"Bella, I wanted to die because you were gone and never coming back…no one else mattered anymore. Nothing else was important. How could it be? Even if it weren't my fault you were…dead, all I could think about was ending the agony."

I cocked my head, waiting for the punch line. It didn't come. "And?" I pressed when he didn't say anything. "So what?"

"Excuse me?"

"So what that I'm _dead_?" I felt a slight twinge of regret, watching the hurt I caused with my words. He stared at me with an unreadable expression before answering, "Do you remember when we were watching Romeo and Juliet at your house, on your birthday?"

"Of course." I replied icily, not sure where this was going. _As if I could forget._

"Remind me, again, what I told you."

I was sure he remembered _exactly_ what he said, better than me probably, but I decided I'd humor him.

"You said you were envious of Romeo, because it was so _easy_ for humans to kill themselves. You told me about your _ridiculous_ 'contingency plans' to go to the Volturi because you 'weren't going to live without me'!" My voice was dripping with sarcasm, which he probably didn't deserve, but I didn't care. I was fed up with his antics and how nothing he said ever made any sense. "And then _I_ told _you_ that you weren't allowed to hurt yourself, no matter what happened to me, which you seem to have so conveniently forgotten," I spat.

"And just what, my friend, makes you think any of that has changed?"

_Hmm…let me think._ "I don't know, Edward, perhaps it was when you told me you didn't want me? Or maybe it was when you told me I was no good for you, that you were tired of pretending. Or just maybe, by chance, it was when you took all my things! That could have done it, I think, maybe, but who knows? My memory is a sieve!" I was screaming now, making a fool of myself. But how could he just expect me to accept that nothing had changed when he made it quite clear that _everything_ had changed, no matter how I felt about it?

"I take it, then, that you never found your things?" he asked quietly.

"You took them, didn't you?"

He smiled sadly. "No. I couldn't do it…I know I promised you no reminders, but…" he trailed off.

"But?"

He sighed. "Against my better judgment, I left all of your things with you. I hid them underneath a floorboard in your room."

My mouth hung open in shock. I didn't know if I should be angry or pleased.

"Why?" I asked finally. It simply didn't make any sense.

"I wanted to leave a part of me there with you," he said meekly, almost embarrassed.

"Why?" I asked again, stupidly. "You said you didn't want--"

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he interrupted, shaking his head sadly, "it seems that you are missing the point, blinded by my lies." He looked away to gather his thoughts with a sad smile dancing on his lips. "I thought it was fairly obvious, the truth, I mean, but evidently not." He frowned. Even though I was mad at him, I hated seeing him upset.

"Edward, will you just say it, please?" I tried, asking nicer than I felt.

He reached up and gingerly stroked my cheek, as though he weren't aware that we were having an argument.

"Bella, you are the reason for my existence, my sole purpose, my savior. Without you, I am _nothing._ Do you hear me, Bella? _I love you_, and no matter what I said before, that never has and _never will_ change."

I shrunk back at his words, unable to process what he was saying. My eyes darted around wildly. "Wh-what?" I was going to lose it if he said anything else.

"I. Love. You." He made each word it's own sentence, each one ripping the hole in my heart bigger, for it was impossible.

And so I started to cry. Unfortunately, I wasn't spared the grace of silent weeping, but instead went into full-sobbing, the tears running down my cheeks in a constant stream. I covered my face in shame.

"Why are you telling me this? Why!" I threw my hands up in desperation.

"You don't believe me, do you?" he whispered, so quietly I wasn't sure I was meant to hear it. His face was contorted in pain, though still undeniably gorgeous. Too gorgeous to want me. He took my silence as a 'no'. "I need to know why," he said quietly when I didn't answer him. "Please! Do you not want me anymore? Have you moved on, like I originally intended? Was what I did unforgivable? Well, of course it's unforgivable, but--"

"Edward!" I stopped him. I couldn't stand listening to him berate and degrade himself like that.

"Just answer. Please." He was pleading, now. It broke my heart all over again to watch.

I stared at him longingly. "Well, seeing as I'm here, and not elsewhere, I clearly haven't moved on."

He tried to glare playfully at me, but it came out as desperation. "That's not what I meant."

Before I could answer his question, there was something I needed to know. "Why did you leave?" I demanded painfully. If what he was saying were true, which I found doubtful, and he hadn't left because he didn't…want me, then I needed to know why he really left.

"Bella--"

"Please, Edward," now I was the one groveling. I didn't care.

There was sadness in his eyes, but perhaps he could see I needed to hear this--the truth.

"I left…because I wanted you to live your life like any normal, eighteen year old would. I wanted you to be happy, free. _Alive._ Being with me all the time was putting you in danger, because no matter how much self control I have, all it would take was _one_ mistake, one little slip up, and you'd be gone forever. I could protect you from everything except for what was perhaps the most dangerous thing you'd ever face--me. So I did the only thing I could think to do; I left. But please, Bella, _please_ understand I only did it because I wanted what was best for _you_! You, and you alone are the _only_ thing on this planet that could ever make me leave you! If I hadn't believed it was what was best for you, I don't think I could have left. But I did believe it. I was a fool, too stubborn, too arrogant to even consider what I might be doing, not only to you, but to myself and my family."

"Well, obviously your little plan backfired." I joked, but it fell flat. My heart wasn't in it--my fragile heart that was about to reach it's limit.

"I knew that you would never agree with my reasons for leaving, knew that you would find a way to convince me I was wrong. Because deep down, I _knew_ I was, but I couldn't see that then. So I lied--lied to protect you. I'm sorry I hurt you, sorry that I effectively killed us both. All for nothing. All the suffering was…pointless. Because in the end, the _one_ thing I tried to prevent, that I _swore_ would never happen as long as I existed, came true--you died." Edward was gasping now, months of pent up emotion finally being released. It was unbearable to watch, because his pain was my pain. "I thought it would be safe for you in Forks. With my family gone, there was nothing to draw my kind there anymore. If I'd only known…" he hesitated, as if what he were about to say would physically hurt him.

"If you'd only known what?" I whispered. It would be impossible for me to control my voice if I spoke any louder.

"That you weren't going to let go! Move on, be happy without me!" he cried, cringing. "I can see that now. I hoped that if you could see that _I'd_ moved on, you would too. It was the worst thing I've ever done, I actually thought I might die right there. I almost hoped I would, if only I didn't have to hurt you. Unfortunately, God seems to have forgotten me here, and did nothing short of smiting me on the spot."

I gasped, horrified that he could ever want such a thing to happen to him.

Edward was staring at his hands as if they themselves had killed me. I could see him shaking slightly. His voice was barely audible, only slightly louder than a whisper. "I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry." He hung his head in shame.

"Edward," I said gently, reaching out to touch his arm. Any anger I'd harbored previously had evaporated in light of despondency. "It wasn't your fault."

He looked up into my eyes. I saw nothing but despair there.

"Do you believe me, now? Please, just tell me. Don't spare me the details, I won't be angry if you say you've changed your mind, but I _need_ to know--whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you…and haven't done _for_ you. Can you?"

I don't know what possessed me then, whether it was the look on his face, or the fact that I couldn't come up with the words, but I knew he was telling the truth, and I knew that he, Edward Cullen, _loved me_, amazingly and against all odds.

So I threw myself on him, kissing him with all the passion I could muster, my hands knotting in his hair. He was in shock at first, but got over it quickly and kissed me back, his passion matching my own and then some.

It wasn't as careful as I remembered our kisses used to be, but he was still holding back, probably afraid of hurting me. Reluctantly, I pulled away, but he just continued kissing down my neck, following the line down my shoulder onto my arm until he reached my hand.

"Can you ever forgive me for what I've done?" he begged, no, _beseeched, _me on his knees.

"There's nothing to forgive." I told him plainly. He smiled and kissed my hand again. I remembered, then, why I'd pulled away from the kiss in the first place. "You know, you don't have to be so careful anymore. It's not like you can kill me anymore. That's already been taken care of." I made a check mark in the air with my forefinger.

"Why must you insist on being so macabre all the time?" he asked, disapproving.

I shrugged. "Denying the truth won't make it disappear."

Edward looked at the ground, carefully. "I just don't want to…break you or hurt you, ever again."

"You can't break something that's already broken, Edward."

His eyes tightened in pain, and I immediately wished I could take it back. He still wasn't looking at me. I grabbed his face gently and lifted it towards mine. "I'm sorry I said that. It was unacceptable."

His expression softened. "Bella, in my eyes, you can do no wrong."

I smiled weakly. I was running out of energy now, a fact I was less than pleased about. I felt myself flicker slightly. I didn't have much time left here. "Except for that." He grabbed my hand, gently massaging little circles in my palm. "By the way, I believe you now."

I frowned. "What do you mean, you believe me?"

He smiled my favorite crooked grin. I felt my insides turn to mush. Edward always had and always _would_ have that effect on me.

"I don't think you're a hallucination anymore."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, duh!"

"How very well spoken of you."

I scowled playfully at him. I noticed the shadows under his eyes were darker than I'd ever seen them. _Good thing I'm not so edible anymore_. I reached out and stroked the bags under his eyes with my thumb. He closed his eyes, as if savoring the sensation. I couldn't imagine it felt as good as when I was alive, considering how cold I was now.

"You should go hunting," I encouraged him. As much as I didn't want him to leave, I was feeling pretty weak, and not just because Edward was now releasing the full effect of his smoldering eyes on me.

"Maybe I should," he agreed, "but I don't feel like it."

"Why not?" I huffed.

"Because you're here," he replied stubbornly.

"Well, if I have to leave for your benefit, don't think I won't."

He winced. "Sounds familiar…" he muttered painfully. I realized with horrifying clarity what I'd just said, and what it sounded like to him.

I frowned, deeply disturbed by what I'd said. "The difference is that I'll come back." "How do you know I wouldn't have come back?" he growled. I'd clearly hit a nerve. _Nice going, Bella._

I thought through my words carefully, trying to avoid upsetting him, or myself, anymore that I already had. "I don't know that you wouldn't have come back, but you _did _promise I would never see you again. That it would be as if you'd never existed." I wished I hadn't brought this up again, that I'd just let sleeping dogs lie. But me with my stupid, big mouth couldn't let well enough alone. _So much for trying to stay calm._ Knowing it was too late to back down now, I continued, "How could you think that? As if I could forget you! Continue life without you. I don't know if you're aware, but it's _impossible_ to live without your heart." My face was hot, to me at least, and my throat was coarse. I was about to burst into tears again.

"I remember I made that promise in exchange for a promise _you_ made _me_," he began, almost as upset as I now. "You promised you wouldn't do anything reckless or stupid! And then you died. Why, Bella, why? Why did you have to die!" He looked like he would be crying if he could.

"It was better than living without you," I mumbled. It was the truth. It was the best I could offer him. I swallowed my tears, painfully. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

"I wanted you to live," he said quietly. I grabbed his hand again.

"Then live _for_ me, Edward."

"That's hard to do, considering that I'm already dead."

I exhaled sadly. My time was running out, and we were wasting it arguing.

"Will you _please_ go hunt?" I pleaded with him. "I'll be right here when you get back. I promise."

He glared at the stereo. "How can I know that? You've already broken one promise."

"So have you," I reminded him.

"How so? I stayed away, and--"

"It was a promise broken before you even made it."

He sat there, silently processing everything. His face was serious, but I saw that the corners of his lips were twitching. "What if you really are just a hallucination due to my food-deprived mind? What if you disappear when I'm no longer thirsty?"

I rolled my eyes and laughed at this. Now he was just grasping at straws. I knew the fight was over for now.

"Well then, in that case, you'll just have to wait until you're on the brink of starvation again." I hoped he wouldn't do that, even though I'd suggested it. "Besides, you never know, I might just disappear anyway, so--" I disappeared on purpose, to prove a point. Edward's eyes grew wide in alarm.

"Bella?" he called out. "Bella!"

I laughed and reappeared by his side. I'd have to remember that one.

"Bella, that was _not_ funny!"

"Oh, but isn't it?" I teased.

"You scared me!" he sputtered defensively.

"Go hunt." I ordered him. I only had a couple of minutes left, at most. "Go!"

He glared at me, feigning irritation, before reluctantly getting up and opening the door. He was about to shut it, when I called him back.

"Oh, and Edward?"

He swung the door open, peeking in expectantly.

"I love you."

He smiled my favorite lopsided grin. He was by me in a second, holding me in a loving embrace.

"I love you, too," he breathed in my ear, giving me goosebumps that had nothing to do with temperature. He kissed me sweetly on the neck and dashed out the door. Just before it swung shut, he looked in one last time.

I laughed, really for the first time in four months, and waved. "Still here. Now go! And take somebody with you. You shouldn't go alone." He nodded.

"See you soon," I whispered. I thought I heard him chuckle, but I couldn't be sure. I took one last look around the room before I faded away.

I sighed heavily, watching the wall turn into the ocean, the carpet to sand.

I was really getting sick of this island.


	8. Chapter 8

**Alice's POV**

I retreated to the kitchen to leave Edward and Esme to talk alone, not wanting to interfere, but I could still hear the whole conversation--the small portion of it that was spoken out loud, at least.

I hadn't been surprised when I'd heard Edward retreat to his room again. Even without the convenience of being able to see the future, it was only to be expected.

I _was_ surprised, however, when I heard muted voices coming from Edward's room. It was difficult to make out who the other person was. Their voice was at least an octave higher than Edward's, so whoever it was had to be female. Could it be Rosalie?

No, Rosalie was working on her car. And I doubted Edward would want to talk to her right now, anyway, considering what happened last time…

So who was it? I was going insane! I looked for their future, but I only saw Edward talking to…himself. That was peculiar. He was most definitely _not_ alone up there; I could hear the other person speaking. Why couldn't I see them?

Irritated, I stomped into the living room, hoping I'd be able to hear more clearly. I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but did that ever stop me?

As I rounded the corner, I was stopped dead in my tracks.

Was that music I was hearing?

"Esme!" I cried, seeing her at the foot of the stairs, staring wide-eyed at Edward's door.

"Is it just me, or--"

"Claire de Lune?" I finished. She nodded.

The music made it more difficult to hear the voices, but now that I was closer, I could more easily make out what they were saying.

"If I didn't know better," I began cautiously,"I could've sworn that sounded like…_Bella._"

Then it hit me--I _did_ know better.

"Sweetheart, what are you talking about?" Esme's concerned gaze was turned on me now.

"Um, Esme? I think I have some explaining to do…"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fifteen minutes later, everyone was gathered in the living room, with the exception of Edward, waiting expectantly for my explanation.

I'd called Carlisle at the hospital and told him we had a small family issue to talk about.

Okay, so I might have exaggerated a _little_. I told him we had an emergency, a crisis, which absolutely demanded his presence.

He was…less than pleased, to say the least, but he'd already decided to forgive me.

I'd even managed to convince Jasper to come back. I promised it wouldn't be nearly as painful as the last time he'd visited, and certainly not as painful as the last four months had been.

He, of course, didn't exactly believe me, and explained that quite frankly, _I_ couldn't exactly know for sure, but that if I really wanted him to come back, he would. Which I did. I had my own selfish, ulterior motives for having him come, but that aside, I needed him there.

So here we all were, gathered, listening to Edward duke it out with Bella.

Only they didn't know that.

I'd told them that Bella was dead, obviously. But I hadn't told _anyone_ about our chance meeting in Forks. Not even Jasper.

It was one thing for me not to tell Edward--I'm sure that it would have sent him over the edge of the cliff of sanity, into the ocean of delirium, which he was currently swimming in. Or so it would seem.

It was another thing entirely to keep it from the rest of my family. They would consider this as something important. But I almost didn't believe it myself, and I was _there_. I'd managed to thoroughly convince myself that I'd imaged the whole ordeal. It was just too…bizarre, even for me, to accept as reality.

I glanced nervously around the room.

Currently, Edward was explaining to Bella why he'd left her in the first place, after confessing his undying love for her. It would have been amusing if there weren't five vampires staring at me with varying degrees of annoyance on their faces.

Rosalie was the worst. I didn't have to read minds to know what she was thinking. _This is stupid._ She looked bored and irritated, as usual, upset that I'd pulled her away from staring at herself in the mirror, or whatever it was she'd been doing.

Emmett looked…depressed. But what else was new? Ever since we'd left Forks, he'd had a perpetual rain cloud over his head.

Esme was concerned. She kept glancing nervously at Edward's door, then back to me, at the floor, at Carlisle. It had taken _forever_ to convince her not to go barreling through Edward's door and demand if he was alright.

Carlisle was calm and calculating, as Carlisle tends to be most of the time.

And Jasper looked thoroughly confused, probably reading everyone's emotions, but fairly relaxed. At least no one was suicidal this time. _Not yet, anyways._

"So I bet you're all wondering what we're doing here, huh?" I said finally.

I got murmurs of agreement from everyone, especially Rose.

"You bet your Jimmy Choo Shoes." I narrowed my eyes. Those were my _favorite_ shoes.

I sighed, putting it behind me for now. There were more important matters at hand.

"Well, see, here's the thing--I didn't tell you everything that happened whilst I was in Forks."

"What's to tell?" Emmett asked glumly. "You went, you stayed, you came back. End of story."

I grimaced. "Well, that's not _exactly_ what happened…" Emmett sat up a little straighter, curiosity piqued. Everyone was paying perfect attention to me now, with the exception of Rosalie.

I went on to tell them all about Bella, the whole conversation, how I couldn't see her, or smell her for that matter, but I could hear and touch her.

I told them about the whole "ghost" business, though she'd been skeptical about that herself.

And finally, I told them I believed, no, _knew_, that Bella was upstairs right now, talking to Edward.

They sat there in complete silence for an excruciatingly long time.

"Well, Alice," Carlisle offered, "that's some story."

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Jasper inquired, clearly hurt, which in turn made everyone upset. Jasper and I shared everything, we had no secrets between us, but lately he hadn't been around much.

"Well, to be quite frank, I didn't think you'd believe me." I admitted quietly.

"Oh, come on Alice, we know better than to bet against you!" Emmett teased, a glimmer of the old Emmett shining through.

"Do you?" I challenged. "If I told you I'd been visited by Bella's ghost, but that I hadn't actually _seen_ her, and nobody else had either, would you have believed me?"

No one said a word.

"Didn't think so," I sniffed, not surprised but miffed nonetheless. "Honestly, I didn't completely believe it myself. I thought that, perhaps, I'd had a hallucination, or that I was delusional."

"Is that why you asked me if vampires can suffer from mental illness?" Carlisle asked.

I shrugged, embarrassed that I'd actually doubted myself enough to ask that.

"So what do we do now?" Esme pressed gently, getting us back on track.

"Well, Edward's going to come down here in about five minutes or so, to go hunting of all things."

"What about Bella?" Emmett sounded a bit too excited for Rosalie's taste, earning him a cold glare from her. She still wasn't a huge fan of Bella, apparently.

I shook my head. "No can do, brother."

"What do you mean?" he demanded.

"I mean," I hissed angrily, "that I can't _see_ what Bella is going to do, though it appears as though she won't be joining us this evening."

Emmett looked crestfallen. Bella had been like a little sister to him, she amused him with her clumsiness and, well, _humanity._

"If you can't see her, then how do you know she's even up there?" Rosalie spat icily.

"Do you have a better explanation?" I asked sarcastically.

"Sure. Edward's finally lost it."

I rolled my eyes. This was past ridiculous. "Well, Rosalie, seeing as you can hear her too, that would imply that you, also, have 'lost it'."

She pursed her lips unhappily. "Who said I could hear her?"

I almost laughed. "Even a human could hear her, the way they're going at it."

"Well then, I guess I'm deaf, because I can't hear anything other than Edward talking to himself like the idiot he is." Rosalie concluded smugly.

"You…can't hear her?" Rosalie shook her head. I was dumbstruck. How could this be? "Well, that's…odd." Maybe she's only pretending she can't hear her. She never liked Bella, alive or otherwise.

"Actually," Carlisle said quietly, "I don't really hear anything, either. Other than Edward, that is." He looked almost ashamed to admit that.

"Don't any of you hear her?" I pleaded helplessly.

Only Emmett raised his hand. I was relieved.

"Thank God, Emmett. I thought I was losing it."

"I think you are," Rosalie muttered. Jasper shot her a death glare.

"You really can hear her, can't you?" I asked Emmett, hoping he wasn't just pulling my leg as Emmett is inclined to do.

"Clear as a bell, no pun intended," He chuckled at his own lame joke, seeming quite smitten with himself.

"Just because you, Edward, and Emmett can 'hear' Bella doesn't mean she's here!" Rosalie insisted profusely. I was really getting tired of her bad attitude. "I mean, no offense, but you three aren't exactly the most stable people ever," I glared at her, but she didn't back down. "I'm serious! You three were the closest to her; you would just _love_ it if Bella miraculously came back from the dead. You want it so badly; you're delirious, imagining things that just can't happen!" At some point during her _spiel_, Rosalie had jumped up and starting pointing incredulously at Emmett and me.

"Rosalie!" Carlisle said, raising his voice slightly. He didn't need to say anything else. Rosalie sat down guiltily. "We all want Bella to come back, but Alice, Emmett, as much as I hate to admit it, Rosalie's right. That just doesn't happen."

I stared at all of them, mouth hanging open. "So you think I'm making this up? Or do you just think I'm crazy? Maybe I should just go check myself back in to the insane asylum," I turned to leave, fed up with my stupid family. I didn't care _what_ they said--Bella was up there, and I knew it.

"Alice, wait," Jasper called. "Don't go."

"Why shouldn't I?" I answered defiantly.

"I can't hear Bella, it's true…" he admitted again, furthering my temper.

"But?" I really just wanted to get out of here.

"But I can…feel her."

I frowned. "What do you mean? You can sense her emotions?" Maybe there was hope, yet.

"I can feel her emotions, yes, but it's more than that. It's like…I just know she's there. Like the sun during the night--just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there, and you know it's out there _somewhere_, just not where you can see it. The moon's reflection of the sun's light is proof that the sun exists. For all intents and purposes, in this metaphor, Bella's emotions are the moon." I stared at him, starry-eyed. _I knew there was a reason I love him._

"How utterly profound of you, Jasper." Rosalie snarled. I shot her a dark look.

"Always the poet," Carlisle sighed fondly.

"Listen, Edward is coming down in about," I paused, closing my eyes, "a minute and twenty three seconds. Do with that what you wish, but I doubt that bombarding him with questions would be helpful. I suggest one of us goes hunting with him and talks to him privately."

"I like that plan." Emmett agreed cheerfully. "Nice and simple." I could practically see the rain cloud lifting from his head. I gave Jasper a knowing look. He smiled and shrugged innocently.

Right on cue, Edward appeared at the top of the staircase, a grin stretched from ear to ear. He slowed and glanced around suspiciously when he saw us all gathered there in the living room. I wondered what he was hearing in everyone's heads.

"Hello…" he hesitated, clearly unsure of himself. "What's with the family gathering?"

I noticed he didn't bother asking why he wasn't invited.

"Oh, you know, just catching up," I offered when no one else said anything.

"Right…well, I'm going hunting if anyone wants to go."

No one volunteered, creating yet another awkward silence. _Thanks, guys._ Edward cocked his head at me, raising an eyebrow.

I shook my head infinitesimally. "I'll go with you, Edward. I'm parched."

He eyed me suspiciously. He knew something was up. "Alright, Alice. I needed to talk to you, anyways."

"I know," I said, shooting him a smile. He chuckled and shook his head as I dragged him from the room.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on, or do I have to torture it out of you?" he said finally, once we were out of earshot.

"I'll tell you."

When I didn't say anything else, he got impatient. "Mind telling me _when_ you'll disclose said information?"

I grinned evilly at him. "All in due time, brother."

He groaned as we ran off into the wilderness, dropping the matter for now and letting instinct take over.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Bella's POV**

The island was empty and boring. But what else was new?

I had a sneaking suspicion that any moment now, either Gabe and Johnalyn or Nat would show up, as they had a habit of doing.

To pass the time, I tried building a sand castle, but the sand was too fine, even when it was wet, to hold any kind of shape.

After an antagonizing half hour, I finally gave up. I stepped back, glaring at the mound of sand that was my pathetic excuse for a sand castle.

"Stupid sand," I muttered angrily, kicking the mound. The top slid off sluggishly, as if in slow motion. I didn't even get the satisfaction of knocking it over!

I gave a long, languishing cry of defeat. "You win! Okay?" I shouted foolishly at the sky. "I surrender!"

A small, polite voice cleared their throat behind. I spun around, with the full intention of telling _whoever_ it was to kindly 'Go away', but was met with a familiar grin.

"You've got quite a temper, haven't you?"

"Hello to you, too, Gabe." I glanced around, more irritated than angry now. He was alone. "Where is your partner in crime?"

"Oh, Johnalyn? She had an ax to grind." He looked bemused at something, which more likely than not was me. I seemed to amuse him quite a bit. He reminded me more and more of Emmett.

"Did she."

"Indeed she did. A real devil of a job, too." Gabe shook his head sadly.

I sighed. He was being cryptic again.

"You know I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I know," he beamed. I bit my lip, unsure of what to say to that.

"So," I began casually, "why are you here?"

"What, am I not allowed to just stop by to say hello?"

"Somehow, I doubt you just dropped by for a chat."

He chuckled quietly. "You really like to cut to the chase, don't you?"

I raised an eyebrow. I could see what he was doing--he was stalling, and I didn't appreciate it.

He stared unblinking at the horizon, a calculating expression on his face. Most likely, he was deciding how little of the truth he could get away with telling me.

When he finally turned back to face me, I had to look down, unable to meet his gaze. It was penetrating, profound. It pierced your soul, like an arrow through your heart.

It was terrifying.

As I came to this shocking conclusion about Gabe, it crossed my mind that I'd never actually _looked_ in his eyes, probably because of the uncomfortable truth I'd just realized. But still, I had to wonder what they looked like, not just their effect. Were they blue? Grey? _Gold_?

Curiosity getting the best of me, I chanced a peek at his eyes.

That turned out to be a mistake.

I imagine it was something similar to opening Pandora's Box.

The way they looked, alone, was enough to make me regret the glance. A thousand swirling colors, with so much depth to them you felt like you were drowning in the little pools of light and dark.

And they were just so…old. Like they had seen everything since the beginning of time, all man's evils, which I didn't doubt they had.

But the most shocking, terrible thing was the emotion. In one little glance, I felt all the agony and torment the world had ever known. It was like I was seeing through those eyes, everything. One look and I'd seen the world and knew it for what it really was.

But there was something else…hope, perhaps? Hope, also, had been in Pandora's Box, at the very bottom. Hope was as evil as anything else in this world, because hope could only prolong the agony of despair. Hope was the worst, because hope disguised itself as a gift, when in reality it was a curse.

I was horrified, intrigued, and wholly unable to avert my gaze. I could have sat there for an eternity, losing myself in his eyes, though it was beyond my control at this point. Involuntary.

Fortunately, Gabe must have seen what was going on, as his voice snapped me out of my trance. Up until that point, I'd forgotten I'd even asked anything. I forgot everything. In those few seconds, there was nothing but his eyes.

"You're right. I'm not just here to chat, though no one said we weren't allowed to," He beamed at me. I smiled back weakly, still slightly dazed. "Anyways, I'm here to watch over you. Just like old times! It seems you need a guardian in death as much as you did in life."

I frowned. "Guardian? And just what do I need protecting from? What _did_ I need protecting from?"

"Didn't Johnalyn tell you that we'd been watching over you?"

"She said _watching_ me, not watching _over_," I corrected.

"Ah, details, details. The intent was there. We were there the whole time."

I swallowed. "The _whole_ time?"

Gabe snickered. "Oh yeah. We saw it all."

I made a face. "That's sick."

Comprehension flickered across Gabe's face after a moment. His expression matched mine. "Sheesh, get your mind out of the gutter! I didn't mean it like _that_…"

"Is this why Johnalyn does most of the talking?"

He grimaced. "Yeah. Something like that," he paused. "We were there to observe you, and protect you if need be, but no interference. Those were our instructions."

I smiled to myself. Most people didn't have any "protectors", but I being the danger magnet that I was had _three_, if you counted Edward. Which I did. You'd think three would have sufficed, but no, apparently not.

"What were you protecting me from, anyway?"

Gabe gave me a look, as if to say 'do I really need to answer that?', but I just sat there patiently awaiting his reply. "Isn't it obvious?"

"_Obviously_ not." I huffed.

"Well, with a vampire boyfriend and his coven around you at all times, and a pack of werewolves down the roa-"

"Whoa! Whoa! Hold it! Werewolves? When did they suddenly pop into existence?"

"I thought you knew?" he looked confused.

"Seeing as you were with me every second of every day, perhaps you can lend me some insight as to how I would know about the existence of werewolves?"

"Think hard. It's not difficult if you try," Gabe smirked.

I didn't try very hard. "I have no idea."

Gabe rolled his eyes. "Jacob Black," was all he said. As if _that_ would help me somehow and clear up any confusion.

I stared back blankly at him.

"The trip you took to first beach? Don't you remember the stories Jacob told you to try and scare you? It was also the night you found out the Cullens were vampires, if I'm not mistaken. Do you seriously not remember?"

Of course I remembered _now_. How could I ever forget that night? The night that changed everything. "You could've just said that in the first place," I grumbled.

"I _could _have, but where would be the fun in that?" he teased. "Besides, I thought it was pretty obvious. I didn't think I'd have to spell it out for you."

I scowled playfully at him. "So who's in this werewolf pack I hear exists?"

"Sam Uley, Jared, Paul."

I shook my head. I didn't know any of them, other than Sam, but my contact with him had been…minimal. He was the one who found me deep in the woods after the Cullens left. I shuddered a little. Even though I knew, now, the _real_ reason they left, thinking about it and bringing up those memories was still painful.

"I suspect, also, that Jacob will be joining them soon."

I gaped. "_Jacob_?" How could that be? Jacob was just a boy. Not a day over sixteen. "But he's so…_young_."

Gabe chuckled softly. "Werewolves don't age the same way as humans. They 'grow up' in the months preceding their transformation, and when they are officially a werewolf, they stop aging. At least, until they choose to stop phasing and grow old and die."

I was floored. Jacob was a werewolf. And he didn't even believe the stories! Apparently, they _all_ were true. I couldn't help but to laugh at myself. It seemed I was inexorably drawn to mythical creatures fit for nightmares. Imagine that.

"Where were you when I died?" I blurted out suddenly, in an accusatory tone. Gabe clenched his jaw as a dark look came over his face.

"Our efforts were thwarted due to a certain…nefarious being. Which brings us back to why I'm here today."

"To 'protect me'." I sneered sarcastically.

"Yep!" he beamed, ignoring my cheeky attitude.

"I don't see why--there aren't any vampires _or_ werewolves here, and I'm already dead, so I don't really see what 'danger' could possibly harm me."

Gabe smiled without humor. "Maybe nothing bad can _physically_ happen to you, but there always was and still is more to protect than just your physical being."

"I still don't see what there is to threaten me, though. The only other person I've seen here other than you and Johnalyn, my sworn protectors, is Nat." Gabe looked at me like I was missing something obvious.

Then it clicked. "You're protecting me from Nat? Why? He's harmless."

"Let's just say your buddy 'Nat'," he began, spitting the name like a curse,"has less than benign plans in store for you."

"I don't understand," was all I could say.

"I'm counting on it. Unfortunately, I'm not at liberty to tell you anything really, you have to figure it out on your own, but I will say that you're much safer with someone else here with you, or elsewhere, than you are alone."

"Why?" I seemed to ask that often these days.

Gabe shrugged. "There's safety in numbers." Despite his Devil-may-care attitude, I could see something lurking behind that cool front. And I was going to get to the bottom of it.

**a/n: I owe you all a huge apology. No, really, I owe you a lot more than that. It was really unfair of me to wait basically a year to update my story, and I really don't have a good excuse. All I can say is that school was super busy this year; It was junior year, the most important year for colleges to look at, and all my classes were either AP or IB, and anyone who's ever taken an AP or an IB class can attest to their difficulty.**

**Still, it was unacceptable for me to leave you hanging like that, and I really, truly am sorry. This story is for you guys, you who have been so supportive. I appreciate you all so much, and I'll try to do a better job of showing it. **

**This chapter wasn't as long as I'd have liked it to be, but I really wanted to get it out for you. It was one of those decisions where I stop now, at a decent place, or keep going, which would most likely have taken a couple more days. So I opted for shorter, but sooner. I hope you enjoyed it! More to come ASAP.**


	9. Chapter 9

_disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of it's characters; everything in the twilight universe belongs to Stephenie Meyer._**  
**

**Ciao Bella Ch. 9**

**Charlie's POV**

It had now been two weeks since Bella had disappeared, but there was still no news. Alice had left nine days ago. I didn't realize how much I'd miss her. Having her around helped me forget that Bella was…gone. Now I was alone. Truly alone. It wasn't any different than before Bella had come to live with me, except that before, I didn't know what I was missing. Now that I knew how lonely I'd been, it made the empty house that much more unbearable. Life wasn't fair for anybody, but it seemed bent on being as cruel as possible for me in particular. First, Renée. Then, when I finally get the best gift I could ever have asked for, she gets ripped out of my hands.

The rational part of my mind knew the chances were slim to none that Bella was still alive, but a smaller part of me wanted to believe there was still hope.

If she were…dead, I would never forgive myself. If I hadn't brought up that I was going to send her to Jacksonville, she wouldn't have felt the need to go out that night. But how could I have known that? She was wasting away right in front of my eyes, and there was nothing I could do about it.

If I were honest, the Bella I'd come to know and love had died four months ago. I knew it was stupid, but I wanted to blame _him_ for Bella's…disappearance. The only thing I could really blame him for was leaving her here, broken. And for once in my life, I didn't know how to fix it. Not that it mattered much now…

Just then, the phone rang, interrupting my reverie. I sighed heavily and slowly rose from the table, where I'd been staring at the pathetic excuse for a dinner I'd made. I shuffled across the kitchen and barely got there before the machine picked up.

"Hello?" I answered, sounding old.

"Hello. Is this Chief Deputy Charlie Swan?" It was a man with a deep, gruff voice, like a tidal wave.

"Speaking."

"This is the Washington State Coast Guard. A body washed up on shore this morning."

"And?" Why were they bothering me? I was the Chief of Police for one of the smallest towns in the country. Unless the body had washed up in La Push and they thought _I_ was the person to contact, I couldn't imagine how anything they had to say had anything to do with me.

"We need you to identify the body."

I shivered. This wasn't happening. "As?"

"Your daughter."

It was past midnight by the time I reached the crime lab in Seattle.

The entire experience felt like a dream: The receptionist inviting me back to the waiting room, the mortician and coast guard officer meeting me, leading me back to the morgue.

There was a sheet over what I presumed was the body they'd found. I refused to accept it was Bella. It couldn't be.

Then they pulled back the sheet.

There, lying on the table, was my Bella, my beautiful darling sweet Bella.

Her long hair was wet and matted to her face, which was a sickly shade of bluish green. There was something black covering the majority of the left side of her face—I didn't want to think about what it was—and both her eyes were bruised purple.

"Chief Swan? Is this your daughter?" The mortician was all business. I suppose that was the only way to survive in this line of work.

I nodded, unable to speak as the tears pooled up, about to brim over. Until now, I'd rejected the thought that Bella could be dead. Now it seemed death was staring me in the face.

I watched helplessly as they covered her back up and wheeled her away, transferring her body to the freezer. It was my worst nightmare, come true.

"The cause of death is still under investigation at this time, but it's been determined that she didn't drown."

I only half heard him.

Bella was dead. What else could possibly matter?

* * *

It had now been a week since they'd found Bella's body. They'd determined that the cause of death was blunt force trauma to the head and blood loss. The mortician had tried to be gentle and comforting, but there was clearly a reason he dealt mostly with dead people.

_"Even if they hadn't dumped her body into the ocean and we'd miraculously found her before she bled to death, there wouldn't have been much we could do to save her. At best, she would've been put on life support, but the hemorrhaging in her head would have rendered her brain dead." _

I now dedicated my life to finding her killers. The Crime Scene Investigators had found gravel and leaves native to the La Push Reservation. Teams were currently scanning the cliffs to find the crime scene and possibly some clues. Billy Black said he would do whatever he could to help, and that Sam Uley was heading up a group to help out. I appreciated the gesture, but doubted there was anything a bunch of teenage boys could do that a CSI team couldn't do better. Then again, it _had_ been Sam who'd found Bella in the forest all those months ago when _he_ left her. Maybe he just had a knack for investigation.

Even with all the people on the lookout, it seemed unlikely that anyone would find where Bella had been murdered before all the evidence was gone. The La Push coast stretched on for miles, and the constant rain probably didn't help, either.

Other than wanting justice to be served, I had other reason for dedicating my life to finding Bella's killers; when I wasn't at home, I didn't have to think about how alone I was. I could pretend that things were as they always had been. Not that the act really fooled anyone, myself included. I wasn't sure how many times I could pick myself up again and put my life back together—it had been shattered so many times, it didn't seem possible. _But I have to try._

* * *

**Bella's POV**

It was clear that Gabe was a little put off by all my questioning about Nat, so I decided to change the topic before he gave up and left me here all alone.

"I have a question for you," I said suddenly.

"Why does that not surprise me?" he asked in a rhetorical manner.

I rolled my eyes and swatted at him playfully, which, of course, he dodged with ease. "I'm serious!"

"So am I," he teased. I scowled at him. I wanted to ask if vampires had souls. Before I'd died, I'd been pretty skeptical about the whole afterlife ordeal, but now that I was here, in this state of death, there was really no denying it anymore. As such, I was curious what happened to Vampires if they should, for whatever reason, die, or whatever happened to them.

"Ok, I'm sorry. Ask away," Gabe said suddenly, breaking me out of my reverie.

"Do-"I began, but stopped myself. I wasn't so sure I wanted to know now, afraid of the answer. What if he said no? What if, for vampires, there wasn't anything?

So I like the coward I am, asked a different question. "Your name-Gabe. Is that, by any chance, short for Gabriel?"

He made a face somewhere in between embarrassment and amusement.

"That wasn't what you were going to ask," he replied, avoiding _actually_ answering my question.

"Maybe not," I frowned,"but you didn't answer the question."

"How about this—I'll answer your question if you tell me what you were originally going to ask."

I glowered at him. I didn't like the way this was going. "I don't want to know that badly, anyway…" I sighed. Sadly, I really _did_ want to know, on both accounts, but not so badly that I had to hear that my whole reason for being didn't have a soul. It simply wasn't worth it.

"Oh, c'mon Bella, you know I don't buy that."

I played with my hair, a displacement activity. "Not even a little bit?" I pressed.

Gabe shook his head sadly. "Nope. Not a smidge. A mote. A molecule."

I groaned in exasperation and defeat. "Ok, fine, you win. I'll bite."

He looked down, clearly embarrassed. "If you must know, then yes, my real name is Gabriel."

I couldn't say I was surprised. I mean, what were the odds? Even so, I was still impressed. "As in _the_ Gabriel?" I hadn't gone to church much when I was alive, but I knew enough to know that Gabriel was a pretty big deal.

"Yes," he said quietly with a pained expression, "_the_ Gabriel." He looked irritated.

"Wow," was all I could say.

"Now it's your turn," he said with a mischievous grin.

I groaned. _A deal's a deal._ Gabe waited patiently.

"I was wondering…if vampires have souls."

I could tell Gabe was less than thrilled with this question as he sighed loudly and ran his hand through his hair. "How to answer that…" he mumbled, more to himself than to me. "Have you ever heard the phrase 'to live is to love'?"

I frowned. Yet again, he'd avoided answering the question. He'd make a great politician. "Yes, but I don't see what it had to do with anything."

"All idiomatic expressions are based in truth, Bella. Some more than others. In this case, it is completely and on hundred percent true. You haven't lived if you haven't loved."

"You mean you have no soul is you have never loved someone?" I was shocked. How could that be?

"Yes and no. Everyone _has_ a soul, but it's like a flower bud that hasn't bloomed until you love someone, or some_thing_."

"Something?"

"Something. Did you ever have a pet?'

"Renée had a fetish for hermit crabs for awhile, but I thought they were kind of creepy."

"Did she love them?"

I had to think about that for awhile. "Yes, I think so. She was devastated when they died. She used to decorate their shells every weekend, mostly so she could tell them apart I think, but she named them and swore they all had their own separate personalities. She even believed they recognized her and were as happy to see her as she was to see them."

"That is love of another thing besides oneself, a love no one can deny is real, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant."

"So, self-love doesn't count."

"Nope."

"Rosalie will be so disappointed," I mumbled. I saw the tiniest traces of a smirk dancing on Gabe's lips, but he suppressed it.

"So, to answer your question, some vampires have souls, like some humans, while others do not."

I breathed a sigh of relief. _So Carlisle was right, after all._ I mused smugly. Then, I realized there was more to Carlisle's belief than "vampires have souls"—he believed in the afterlife. "If vampires have souls, can they go to heaven?" I asked suddenly, feeling brave and unafraid of the answer this time.

Gabe looked deeply troubled. "That," he began, "is much more difficult to answer."

"How so?" His sudden mood swing made me anxious. I wasn't so sure I really wanted to know, now.

"Well," he sighed,"the afterlife is much more complex than Heaven, Hell, and what's in between the two, which as I'm sure you've probably guessed—"

"Is this island?" Gabe gave me an apologetic smile. "So, if we're not in Heaven and we're not in Hell, where are we? The sun never sets; there are no animals or birds or people, no storms, nothing."

Gabe's eyes tightened a little. He looked like he wanted to say something, his mouth open a little, but for some reason he was unable to do so. "Let me guess—you're not at liberty to say."

"I see you're finally catching on," he said quietly.

I shrugged. "I'm a fast learner."

"Anyways, like I was saying, the afterlife is…complicated, to say the least. By their nature, most vampires do not end up in Heaven, if they should happen to have a soul and if they die. However, in the case of the Cullens, which I'm sure is the only reason you're asking about this in the first place, they've tried to resist their nature, particularly Carlisle. It's not as if they chose to become what they are, it's simply what was forced upon them by Fate."

I was blushing, due to Gabe's offhanded comment about the Cullens. I wonder how he knew…"What happens to vampires—and people—when they don't have souls?"

A dark look crossed his face. "Nothing good."

I shuddered slightly, imagining all the unpleasant things that could happen to someone who didn't have a soul.

"So, basically, anyone with a soul can go to heaven?" I tried to steer the conversation to a lighter topic.

"Well, there's a lot more to it than that, but essentially, yes, anyone with a soul can be considered for heaven."

I breathed a huge sigh of relief. _Edward could go to heaven._

* * *

**Edward's POV**

"So," Alice began suddenly,"you wanted to talk about something?"

I smiled slightly. We had really only just finished hunting moments earlier. "You waste no time, I see."

Alice playfully rolled her eyes. _I just thought you'd like to get it over with._

"Fair enough," I pursed my lips. She undoubtedly knew exactly what I wanted to talk about. "I need to talk to you about-"I paused. It still felt strange to talk about Bella, even if she weren't lost forever anymore. "Well, you know." I finished uncomfortably.

"Bella?" Alice guessed, smiling. I nodded, unsure of how to continue. "Well, I'm sure you know all about the whole Forks incident."

"Um…no. Not really." What was Alice talking about?

"Well, you know that I had a vision about Bella's death?"

I gritted my teeth and resisted the urge to wince. This was still a painful topic. "Yes, I figured."

"And you know that I went to Forks, as soon as I had it?"

"Not exactly."

"Oh…"

There was a long, uncomfortable silence. "I haven't exactly been keeping up."

"I noticed," Alice said sadly.

"What were you going to do? Try and save her? Change her?"

Alice was quiet. "No. I knew that it was too late for any of that, that it was a pointless gesture."_I guess I wanted to be there for Charlie._

"That's understandable, I suppose."

We walked in silence for awhile, wanting to enjoy each other's company. We hadn't been together much since Bella had died.

There was something I wanted to know, though. Something Bella had avoided telling me before. "Alice?" I asked tentatively.

"Hmm?"

"How did Bella…"

"Die?" Alice finished nonchalantly. I shivered slightly and nodded. "Are you sure you want me to tell you?"

"Yes, Alice, please."

"You're not going to like it," she said uneasily, clearly stalling.

"Alice, I already don't like it. But I need to know."

"Maybe someone else should tell you…"

"Oh, yeah? Like who?"

_Bella._ "She could give you a first person account of the whole thing—"

"I have a feeling she'd just stall her way out of it, like you're doing now," I said dryly. My patience was growing thin. I wished she just get it over with.

"You caught that, huh?"

"Of course I caught it, Alice," I was starting to get aggravated. "Just tell me—was it suicide?"

"Um...yes and no."

"That's a terrible answer. It tells me nothing."

Alice smirked. "I know." If she didn't tell me soon, was going to donate all of her clothes to charity.

"Ok, ok! I'll tell you. Sheesh."

Images began to flip through my head in what I assumed was Alice's vision of Bella's death.

It started out innocent enough. _Bella and Jessica in a car. Bella looked like a zombie. Bella and Jessica at a movie. Bella and Jessica walking alone on a dark street. Men at a bar. Bella stopping and staring at the men. Jessica getting upset. Jessica leaving. Bella talking_ _to the men. _ I growled as I recognized the men as Bella's attackers from Port Angeles last year.

The vision skipped forward. _Bella was in the car again, a different car. With the men. It was dark and there was no one else around_. I began to feel sick as I realized where this was headed. _The car stopping. The men getting out of the car, dragging Bella with them. She wasn't putting up much of a fight. _

"Do you want me to stop?" Alice asked, interrupting the vision. _I think you can figure out how this ends…_

"No, keep going. I need to know," I needed to see this.

_The men were circling Bella, pushing her around. The short brown haired man began ripping Bella's clothes off, laughing as he went. Bella had a disturbingly calm face._

Alice fast forwarded the vision again. _Bella was on the ground now, bruised and bleeding. Her face looked pained but determined. _Determined to do what?_ Bella screamed, the men laughed._ I was shaking with fury. I could sense it was almost over, now. _The men were dragging Bella to the edge of a cliff. _It looked like La Push, though I hadn't been there since the treaty had been made. _They threw her broken body over the cliff into the ocean. _ She would have appeared dead to them, but she was still alive—but barely. _She seemed to fall through the air in slow motion, her small body barely disturbing the water below. She looked like an Angel. "Ciao, Bella," the short man sneered as he and his miscreant fiends walked off scot-free._

And that was it. Alice stepped to the side as I ripped a tree out of the ground and threw it across the forest, screaming. I was going to rip those reprobates limb from limb.

After I'd calmed down, Alice tried to comfort me, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"How could she have been so naïve?" I asked hopelessly.

"I don't think she was being naïve—I think she knew exactly what she was doing," Alice said quietly.

"And just what makes you think that?" I snapped. I couldn't believe Bella had done that on purpose.

"Because I asked her."

I scoffed. "When?"

"In Forks, just after she had died," Alice said coolly.

"What? You saw her in Forks? _Why _didn't you tell me?"

"Because you wouldn't have believed me. Not for a second."

I didn't saying anything, silently fuming. Alice was right, of course. I would have thought it was some cruel trick designed to get me out of the dark despair I fell into after Bella's death.

"Listen, Edward, I told the family that Bella is back and—"

"What, like they needed to be told? Couldn't they hear us?" Maybe that was what all the confusion had been about.

"Not exactly," Alive said carefully.

"Explain, please," I eyed her suspiciously. I didn't appreciate her new-found habit of dancing around the issue.

"Well, Emmett was the only other one who could actually _hear_ Bella, but Jasper said he could feel her."

"Are you saying that Carlisle, Esme, and Rosalie couldn't hear her?"

"Something like that, yes." Great. So they all think I've finally lost it.

"Well, that complicates things a bit," I stated wearily.

"Carlisle is leaning towards believing she's back, and Esme is still unsure. Rosalie—"

"Thinks we're all insane," I finished. It wasn't hard to guess, telepathic abilities aside.

"You would think so, too, if you hadn't seen her yourself."

Alice was probably right. Even I had thought Bella was a hallucination for awhile. "What are we going to do now?"

"Beats me—the future is Bella-free."

"What?" I choked, suddenly alarmed.

"I can't see Bella in any of my visions," She clarified.

"How useful," I replied sarcastically.

"It's as though she doesn't exist…"

"But she _does_ exist."

"_I_ know that, but we're going to need some more tangible evidence if we're going to convince the others."

"Oh, evidence like what? 'I can see her, why can't you?' That'll go over well."

"Just give me some time to think of something… there's got to be a way."

I sighed heavily. "Fine." I looked up to the sky, thinking of Bella. I wondered what she was doing, if she were watching over me. I liked the thought of Bella as my guardian angel. Not that I was ever in any real danger. I remembered once, Bella had said something in her sleep about me being her guardian angel. I thought of myself as more of her protector—I was no angel. Still, the reciprocal nature of the situation amused me. Unfortunately, I had failed as Bella's guardian. Maybe she would do a better job watching over me.

* * *

**Bella's POV**

"Listen Bella, I know this is a lot to take in, and it may be hard for you to understand, but like I said before: the afterlife is extraordinarily complex. It's like a fractal: when seem from afar, everything seems fairly straightforward, but the closer in you get, the deeper it goes until you don't know where one thing starts and another ends. Just because you have a soul doesn't mean you'll go to heaven, or hell for that matter. There are special…cases, people of deep interest for both sides."

"Both sides of what? The moral spectrum? Like good and evil?"

"Think more like 'heaven and hell' than good and evil—the lines are less fuzzy that way. Even so, heaven and hell are just words that don't really mean anything. They don't even come close to explaining the indescribable. It's just as well to call it apples versus oranges or paper versus plastic; there are benefits and downsides to both."

I didn't really understand much of what he was saying. It was all just a little too abstract for me. But I decided to play along, anyway. "I'm going to be honest—you lost me at 'fuzzy lines'. Let's back up a little: who are these people of 'special interest'? What makes them so deeply interesting?"

"You'll be surprised to find you know some of them."

"Like who?"

"Well, Carlisle Cullen, for one."

What was everyone's deal with Carlisle? First Nat, now Gabe. "Well, Carlisle doesn't surprise me one bit—it seems everybody wants something from him…who else is a special case?"

"Well, the rest of the Cullen Clan, the Denali Clan by association, and even yourself."

"Me?" Now I was utterly baffled. Gabe had a look on his face akin to that of a child who'd just told a secret he'd crossed-his-heart-and-hoped-to-die he'd never tell.

"Look, I'm not really able to talk about it, I've said too much already, but yes: you. Haven't you ever wondered why so many people are interested in you? Why you're being kept here indefinitely?"

I didn't know whether to be flattered that I was a person of 'special interest' or offended that that was the only reason anybody was apparently interested in me. "Well, Nat told me that I had unfinished business and that I couldn't move on until it was done."

"Oh, _Nat_ told you that, did he? Figures. But do you see what I mean? Why would he tell you that, hmm?"

"I just thought he was trying to be helpful…" I said slowly, trying to comprehend.

"Oh, he's being helpful, alright—the question is, who is he helping?"

"So I'm not still here to finish up any business?"

"Yes and no. Sure, you have unfinished business, who doesn't? But that's really more of a loophole to keep you in limbo."

"I'm not really following you," I admitted sheepishly.

"And that's a good thing, if you know what's good for you. The less you seem to know, the less apparent danger you're in."

"Once again, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Listen, the sooner you figure out what 'business' is keeping you here, the sooner you can move on—and believe me, you'll want to be doing that. You're better off if there's less time to discuss…different outcomes. I'm afraid you'll have to figure the rest out on your own."

"Of course," I muttered bitterly.

"I know you don't understand any of this right now, but it is _imperative_ that you don't forget anything I've told you. I might get in trouble for some of it, but it's worth it. Knowledge is your weapon, and your purpose here is a puzzle. You have all the tools to figure out what the pieces are and arrange them accordingly.

"I have to be off now, unfortunately. It seems I've lingered here too long."

"Will you come back?" I asked, worried.

"I'll try—but I can't really be sure."

"Let me guess—it's complicated."

He smiled sadly. "You have no idea. Tarry not, my friend: you wouldn't want to be found here alone." And with that, he was gone.

What the hell was that supposed to mean? It seemed everyone on this damn island was fond of riddles. And puzzles.

God, I hated puzzles.

* * *

**a/n: **

**I guess I should first make a formal apology. It's been almost 4 years since I've updated this story. That really wasn't very fair, and for that I'm sorry. Let me explain: I lost all motivation and inspiration to write, this story in particular. Recently, however, I've felt inspired to finish this story. I've known how the story is going to end since the beginning, and for various reasons I'd really like to finish telling this story.**

**I'm sorry if all this seems rather negative. I hope my confession doesn't impair your enjoyment of the story. If you want to pretend I didn't say any of this, please do.I'm going to do my best to continue with my original story line, even if I've forgotten some of the details. You all have been supportive of my writing in the past, which I really appreciate. It would mean a lot to me if you continue to support me, but that's for you to decide.**

**So, without further ado, here is the author's note I wrote 4 years ago (with the intention of posting it immediately, which I didn't get around to until now). **

_hello everyone! Sorry that it took a little while to update. I put a lot about Charlie in this chapter because I'd forgotten that I'd taken his part out of the past few chapters—it didn't fit in with any of the others. Things are really starting to cook up, now that we're in the meat of the story. It's about to get really interesting, so hold on to your hats! More shall be revealed soon…_

**It's kind of funny to read it now, don't you think? I thought it was funny ("little while = understatement of the century). It's a good thing I didn't post this **_**before**_** going on my 4 year hiatus. That would have been cruel and unusual. **

**Anyway, if you're new to this story, then disregard everything above. In the interest of time, this story may be a little shorter than I originally ****planned. I don't know how often I'll be able to update, but I guess I just want to say "I'm back; sorry for keeping you waiting!" **


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